“Toothpaste.”
He gives me a dry look. “Just because we’re dentists doesn’t mean we’re in love with toothpaste.”
“A gift card, then.”
“Mmm, is that too impersonal?”
“Who cares? You’re giving it to your coworker, not your best friend.”
“I want to put some thought into it, though.”
“If you want to put some thought into it, then why’d you ask me for ideas? I barely know this chick.”
“I thought you might be helpful,” he huffs. “You’re both women!”
“Right, and we’re all the same. We all like the same stuff, just like all men like the same stuff. I suppose I’ll take the present I had in mind for my dad and give it to you for Christmas instead. Surprise, it’s a model of the Brady Bunch house!” My dad’s super into collecting memorabilia of older shows likeThe Brady BunchandThe Partridge Family.
“You know what I meant.”
“I know you’re sexist.” I pull a throw blanket over me. “It’s cold in here.”
Nicholas glares. “That’s it.”
“That’s what?” I ask as he gets off the couch and goes to find his coat and shoes. “What’re you doing?”
“What I’m meant to be doing!”
What he’s “meant to be doing” better not be Stacy Mootispaw. I follow him to the door and watch him march out to his car. Getting rid of the Maserati was a solid choice. It doesn’t belong out here at all, whereas the Jeep looks like it was manufactured by nature. “Where are you going?”
He doesn’t respond, peeling out without another word. I spend the next twenty minutes texting him. If he’s in a dingy motel room with Dr. Sultry, the persistent vibration of his phone is going to be a real mood-killer.
Hey
Hey
Where are you
Nicholas
Nicky
Nickster
Nickelodeon
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Acknowledge me or I’m telling your mom you didn’t come home last night and you might be missing
Really? Not even for that?
I’m bowled over that my threat produced no reaction from him, and starting to worry that he’s incapacitated somewhere when the Jeep comes clattering up the drive again.
He gets out without glancing at the house, which means he knows I’m watching him through the window. What he hefts out of the back of his car and lifts high above his head nearly makes me faint.
It’s. A. Canoe.
–
