“No.” I take a step towards her, desperate to pull her into my arms—to prove to her that this isn’t at all what it looks like—but she only holds up a hand, stopping me in my tracks.
“Cade, stop lying,” she whispers, tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m not,” I plead, voice breaking. “Really. I wasn’t…I never planned on going through with anything they wanted.”
“Then why not say something?” She throws her hands up in frustration before crossing her arms, leaning against the counter. “Why not mention it at all? Why hide it?”
I scrub a hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “I don’t have a good reason,” I tell her honestly, shaking my head. “Nothing that would make sense, anyway.”Lydia is closing in on herself—shutting me out. “But I never wanted to hurt you.”
She looks away from me, chewing her bottom lip as she stares out over the snow covered mountain, at the fresh snow falling gently beyond. “I can’t tell if I’m hurt or just confused.” She shakes her head again, something cracking in me at the sight of her. “Was everything that happened between us…was it all a lie?”
“No,” I say firmly, taking a step towards her. This time, she doesn’t back away—doesn’t flinch or try to push me away. Those stormy eyes flicker back to mine, expression unreadable. “I don’t lie.”
“But you did, at some point. And before you say anything, omitting the truth is just as bad. You could have explained to me the moment I got here the real reason I was hired, but you didn’t. You still went along with whatever they wanted. You intended, maybe without realising, to use me.” She pauses, her eyes widening. “Oh, God, is that why you were so pushy about me going home? Was that your way of trying to meet my dad?”
Lydia looks at me like I’ve betrayed her in the absolute worst way, and to her, I have. I fucked up. She’s right; I could have just come out and said something to her, told her exactly what Tobias and my aunt wanted. It would have probably been the perfect way to go back to the life I wanted…but then I would have lost her.
You’re losing her now, I remind myself, swallowing hard as she completely deflates. “I am so fucking naive,” she whispers, dropping her stare from my face. “Oh, God, I really believed it all.”
Bile rises in my throat as I take one last step towards her. “You are not naive,” I tell her, cupping her cheeks between my hands. “And you should believe everything I said, because I meant it all. I want a future with you, Lydia Sterling.”
Tears spill from the corner of her eyes as she looks at me. “But I’m not sure if I can believe you anymore,” she whispers, voice broken. Those words alone shatter something inside me.
I had no idea something so simple could ruin everything. Keeping one thing—as minuscule as I thought it was—from her had our entire future together flashing before my eyes, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
“Please don’t say that,” I murmur, dropping my forehead to hers. “God, please don’t say that.”
She trembles against me, her breaths shaky. “Why would your aunt want my dad?”
“I don’t know. Something about him being a landowner, but I never asked. She tried getting a meeting with him, but he shut her down. Tobias thought if I could develop a good working relationship with you, it would help her. But I have no idea what for. And I didn’t care, because I wasn’t going to follow through with it anyway.”
Lydia makes a sound in the back of her throat. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut. I breathe in her shampoo, the honey-lavender smell of her hair calming, strengthening even. “But I can ask her.”
Lydia stiffens, but she doesn’t pull away. “You would do that?”
“Of course I would,” I murmur, brushing my nose against hers, so tempted to kiss her—to remind her of this morning and last night, of the future we can have. “I can call her now, press her for answers. And I’ll tell her about giving up my position in the company.”
She makes another small sound in the back of her throat. “She’ll cut you off if you do that.”
“I stopped caring about her and her money years ago,” I reply, pulling back enough to meet her stare. “I have a plan, away to make sure I can take care of you going forward…if you’ll still have me.”
Her eyes search mine for a moment, emotions still carefully shielded. I don’t see the betrayal shining in them anymore, her tears now dried up. But I can tell forgiveness still has to be earned. And I will do anything to get her back.
I’ll crawl on my knees for her.
Beg until my throat is raw.
Do anything to keep the woman I love.
I draw in a deep breath, the realisation hitting me hard. It shouldn’t come as a shock, but after years of isolation and even more shielding my heart from ever falling in love, it feels so easy to loveher.
To love the way her eyes brighten whenever she challenges me. Love how animated she gets when she starts talking about the things she’s passionate about. Love how she looks when she’s asleep with only the fire to illuminate her soft features. It’s easy to love this woman who makes me want tofeelagain.
Lydia sighs, the sound pulling me out of my thoughts. “I need to know. For them,” she states, biting her bottom lip. “But I also need to know that it’s notthemyou want.”
“Why the hell would I want your family when you’re everything I could possibly ever need?”
