If I don’t die trying, that is.
“Are we still waiting, or are you ready, Miss Ward?” Dr. Ambrose asks, his voice low and melodic, calling me into his depths, the same way he must have lulled my mother into a false sense of security.
Am I ready to see what my mother endured? To see if I’m really a freak?
I squeeze Benji’s hand. “I’ll see you on the other side.”
“Eventually,” Dr. Ambrose says.
A chill rushes through me. I snap back to the doctor and cross my arms, pretending I’m unafraid of him.
He raises a brow. “Oliver will take care of you now.”
Those words tickle my earlobe, and slight disappointment prickles my skin.
Oliver. The assistant. Not Dr. Ambrose.
I’m not disappointed because I want Dr. Ambrose to be the one to prepare me for the exam, I tell myself. I’m disappointed because I want to kill Dr. Ambrose now?—
Benji clasps my hand. His eyes are full and wet, silently pleading for me not to do this.
My lips curl down. I don’t want to upset Benji, but it also confuses and angers me that he swears he’s supportive of me being here, but he always tries to change my mind.
I’ve lost sleep. Skipped meals. Destroyed friendships. Ended a relationship. I was supposed to stay with my foster parents until I could get through college, but once they saw my obsession cost me my job, they kicked me out.
I need to do this for my mother and myself.
“Yes, Doctor,” the assistant in glasses says. My pulse skips a beat. He gestures to the side. “Follow me.”
And I do.
Chapter 6
Violet
Before I have the chance to straighten my clothes, the assistant is out the door. I catch up to him as he unlocks a nearby room. The key jiggles in the lock, then he pushes open the door.
An adjustable exam bed with paper lining is stationed in the back of the room. A sink is bordered by cabinets and countertops, and in the corner, a metal filing cabinet is busted open. A drain is in the middle of the blackened tiles. Light flickers from the fixtures overhead, casting shadows beneath a circular, wheeled stool.
And a mirror covers the entire back wall.
Every muscle in my back tightens. The mirror’s surface is dingy and gray, like old mop water, and my reflection looks different, as if my entire body is distorted. Another version of me shedding from the inner carcass.
Benji mentioned a double-sided mirror he saw in Dr. Ambrose’s office. This must be it. Dr. Ambrose is probably watching everything right now.
The assistant motions to the bed. “Please undress and sit on the exam table. The doctor will be in shortly.”
I bite my lip. My eyes flicker around the room, searching for a paper dress. “Where’s my gown?”
The assistant’s nostrils flare. “We will be conducting a full body examination, Miss Ward. Your modesty is unnecessary here.”
I frown. The assistant is slightly taller than me with short black hair. He can’t be more than ten years older than me, and yet he acts like he’s a scholar and I’m a failing student. He’s probably as bad as Dr. Ambrose. If I get the chance, maybe I’ll kill him too.
For now, my goal is Dr. Ambrose.
I hold the bottom of my shirt. The assistant removes a clipboard from one of the cabinets, then leans on the sink as he takes notes. Is he staying for this too?
“You expect me to undress while you’re in the room?” I ask.
