“No, he wasn’t.” I pressed my lips together. “He was too disappointed in me.” I stood up and shook my head. “Too disappointed in my decision to do what I loved. He always seemed disappointed in me, even when I was in his pack. It didn’t matter what I did. I never seemed like enough.”
“Bella, I—” Ryker started.
“I don’t want to hear it, Ryker. Don’t apologize for him. Don’t defend him. I don’t care. I can get through this without him. I have to. This was my decision, and I wouldn’t have made a different one if I knew we were mates prior to joining the Lycans. This has been my dream, and nothing will take my dream away.”
His lips curled into a small smile. “Independent woman.” He stood next to me and stared down at me with his lovely dark eyes. “You surprise me more every day, but I would never make any excuses for him. If he can’t see how strong you are, then that’s his fault. Not yours. But… we need to talk about you going through heat.”
“I know,” I whispered, suddenly feeling rejected.
“You’ll be going through heat in a couple of weeks” he said. “We need to be prepared. Some—most—warriors, especially in this pack, are driven by innate instinct. When the time comes and they feel that you’re in heat, they’ll try to put you out of it as soon as possible.”
“I’ll fight them off.”
“You won’t be able to,” he said, a sudden sadness in his voice. “Have you ever seen a she-wolf in heat before?” he asked. I shook my head. “You won’t be able to fight anyone off. I don’t care how strong you are.” He brushed his fingers against the scar on his neck. “You won’t.”
We sat in silence for a few moments, the air thick with tensions, then I nodded and grabbed his hand, squeezing it with mine. “Then, we will create a plan for when I do.”
Chapter 36
Isabella
“Like the hair, Killer.” Raj rocked back and forth on his heels, sending me one of his signature smirks—the one he said got all the ladies, but I hadn’t seen any ladies that he’d ever been with.
I removed my mate’s necklace for training and placed it into my bag where it’d be safe. “Stop calling me that.”
“But it suits you.” He tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the ground next to me. Up the left side of his brown abdomen, he had a string of Moonflower tattoos.
“I’ve killed two rogues so far.” I held up two fingers for emphasis, then removed my shirt and pointed to the tattoos on my back to make sure he fully understood that I was no rogue-killer—yet.
He rubbed a hand against his scruff, his dark eyes taking in my tattoos. “Exactly, aKiller.”
I narrowed my eyes at him and jogged to catch up with the rest of the Lycans who were warming-up. We lunged from one side of the training area to the other, and Raj lunged next to me.
“Are you making fun of me?” I asked, giving him a side-eye.
“Only if you want me too.”
I cut my eyes to him. “Yeah, I would love if you made fun of me,” I said sarcastically. “It’s always been my dream. My only dream.”
“I knew it.”
Ryker cleared his throat, and we looked over to see everyone finished with their warm-up and staring at us. “If you two are done flirting, we’d like to start training,” Ryker said with a tense smile on his face.
Raj pointed at me, then to an open corner of the field. We wrestled for about a half-hour, each taking turns throwing and pinning each other to the ground. Though he was stronger than me, I kept up with him easily. Unlike the first night I practiced with the Lycans, I quickly figured out his movement patterns and could even spot when he was about to try a take-down on me.
With the right practice and the right people, I made improvements that I couldn’t ever achieve in Roman’s pack.
Ryker didn’t practice with us, just watched the way Raj and I pushed each other after every take-down, after every flirty comment, after every pin.
At one point, Raj caught me off guard and flipped me onto my stomach, pressing the side of my head into the ground. Dirt rubbed into my cheek, and I inhaled a whiff. I spit it out, escaped his hold, and turned him over onto his back, holding him to the ground for one, two, three seconds.
Raj curled one arm under my leg, another around the back of my head, and tossed me above him. I did a somersault out of his grip and stood back up to face my enemy. Covered in dirt and bruises that hurt oh-so-good, we stalked around each other. My chest heaved up and down, my heart racing in my chest.
Ryker nodded in our direction and shouted, “Practice is over for tonight. Bella, stay back,” he said. “I need to talk to you.”
Raj playfully pushed his shoulder into mine. “Ooh, talking to the big man.” He shook his head. “Someone’s in trouble.”
“You too, Raj,” Ryker said. I gave him a sly smirk and mocked him for mocking me. Once I clipped my mate’s necklace back onto me and he tugged his shirt back over his head, Ryker handed us a manila folder. “I’m putting you both on a solo mission.”
