“I’m fine,” I said, pressing my lips together.
He pulled me even closer, resting his chin on my head. His chest rose and fell softly, and I rested my head against it. “That was a dick move, Isabella. You can be angry.”
My body heaved back and forth. Stupid, wet tears fell down my cheeks. “He-he… I can’t… believe it.” I gripped onto his shoulders so tightly that I thought I would collapse if I didn’t. “He knew it would hurt me. He knew it.”
My heart clenched. Why was this even happening?
“Do you want me to be honest with you?” Derek asked, only pulling away once I stopped crying. He frowned at me, thumb brushing against my jaw. “He’s the alpha. He doesn’t have to care if his decision hurts you.”
I pressed my lips together. It sure seemed like he cared about me and my opinion of him—coming into my room after I moaned Cayden’s name, using me like a damn doll for his pleasure, giving me what I needed last night. That look on his face when I stared at his journal. That smile he gave me before I stepped out of his car. The way he made my wolf feel so… so fucking special.
“I just don’t understand why? I was the best one there all week. Everyone knew it.”
Derek shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he thought this was the best for the pack.” He nudged me, trying to lighten the mood. “Maybe he thought you guys would have hot angry sex after.”
I pressed my lips together. “There will be no sex after that.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug one more time and inhaling his familiar scent. “Thank you for waiting up for me, but you should get some sleep.”
He rolled his eyes. “I know… I have to be up bright and early to listen to Vanessa complain all day.”
“I’m happy for you,” I said, giving him my best smile. How couldn’t I be proud of my best friend for achieving everything that he ever wanted? I hoped he enjoyed every minute of it and never took it for granted. “I really am.”
When Derek disappeared through the woods, I stayed outside for a few more moments, listening to the rain hit the leaves of the trees and smelling the fresh scent of the woods. I rubbed the Moonflower keychain in my hand and walked into the quiet house.
Mom and Dad were probably asleep. And I was glad. I didn’t want to face them tonight.
Tears streamed down my cheeks when I closed my bedroom door. I could finally cry alone without feeling judged. But before I let it all go, I did the one thing I hadn’t done in weeks.
I closed the curtains.
Chapter 13
Roman
I hadn’t left this empty packhouse.
After Isabella ran out of my office, I walked back to the new recruits, gave them a half-hearted speech, and then sat in my bedroom. Staring at the closed door. Wondering if this was the right choice. Hurting worse than she did.
The pain didn’t fade. Not when I lead practice the next day. Not when I ran through the woods and saw her curtains closed. Not when I locked myself in my office and couldn’t focus on any task for long enough to finish it.
It was 9pm on Saturday. The moonlight flooded into my office through the open window. If I focused hard enough, I could smell her sweet scent lingering on my desk. I tore a sheet of paper from my journal. The fifth drawing of her I had done today.
I tried not to draw her, knowing that I would only hurt worse, but I did it anyway. She was the only thing that calmed me. Tapping my pen against my desk, I gazed out the window into the dark forest. I needed to go on a run. Another run. Run. My wolf wanted to run to her house. I wanted to run to her house.
I shook my head. No. No, I shouldn’t go. I really shouldn’t go. I sat at my desk, in the dark, tapping my foot on the hardwood and deciding to read to take my mind off of her.
Read something. Read anything. Read the used anatomy textbook Dr. Jakkobs had given me so I could finish my education. Read the section about mating. Realize that the textbook smelled like her. Realize that itwasher textbook. Read her name that she wrote in the front of the book. Inhale her scent. Pretend that this was the right decision. Our pack needed doctors. She would be one of the best. She was strong, but she was so fucking smart. Think about her. Think about my Isabella.
Moon Goddess, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
I slammed the book closed, throwing it to the side of the room in anger, and opened to another clean page of my journal, letting my hand sketch whatever it wanted. A curve. Hair blowing in the breeze. Her watching the forest last night through my truck window.
I wished that I never got caught up with her. I wished that Ryker never would have come here to try to take her away from me. Then I wouldn’t have had to stay up all night going through plan after plan to keep her here, only for her to be pissed off at me.
But being pissed off at me was better than her being dead like Mom and Dad were.
It was also better than her being in the hands of a man-whore that marked Michelle, an unmated woman without her consent. I didn’t care if the rumors were true or not, I wouldn’t put Isabella in harm’s way.
I told myself that I made the right decision. She would work at the hospital where I could keep her safe. She was the smartest wolf that I knew. That was the best place for her. Being forced into a leadership position—as a Lycan—when she was so young would ruin her life. Becoming an alpha at fifteen nearly ruined mine.
