His father? How could Andrew not want to know who the man was? It was burning me. My eyes were on his fingers which were on the steering wheel. Then it hit me. My stomach tightened, to the size of a golf ball maybe and my eyes shut. Of course he wanted to know, but how? Who could he ask?
‘I should’ve spoken to Nana on some stuff,’ he said, as if he had read my mind.
And she should’ve asked her daughter who the father of her child was, I thought. What if Noelene had and Sarah Ann returned the question to her mother? If there was a prettier mess in all the world, I didn’t know it.
‘Especially after I discovered the diary. It’s just old paper, but imagine, I was holding something Bhumika had also touched… I didn’t know it then.’
I loved how he had ditched Catherine Brown for Bhumika Velu.
‘I wanted to come here, come here with you, and walk these roads,’ he said, pointing at the newly tarred surface of the barracks we were crawling up on before the GPS announced, ‘Your destination is on the right.’
I wanted to ask, ‘Why me?’, but we were on our feet and fishing out baggage.
We read Bhumi’s notes again after we checked into the hotel. We tried to visualize everything she had written about.
We were in my cottage; it was almost double the size of his. It had a garden with rose bushes. We were on the sofa. Andrew’s feet were on the table and my legs were crossed. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.
I’m not sure if I dozed off, but it seemed like a good half hour had passed when Andrew tapped me on my shoulder. Then, together, we walked down the road she may have walked a century ago in the early evening light. The air was fresh, and it wrapped around me like a coat.
We went to Coonoor town and chatted up a few people. We tossed the ‘Velu’ name around and then the ‘Brown’ question but were met with blank looks. On our way back,we stopped at a café that sat on a hillock. It was like we were seated at the edge of this fabulous landscape and some 30–40 metres away, you could see the mighty Nilgiris drop in a majestic sweep.
My fingers bit into Andrew’s forearm. A gust of wind could blow our seats, and with us on it, into those endless woods. His palm was on my fingers. He was looking at me, telling me we were fine and that it was only a matter of time before I got used to our setting.
The coffee was great and the view, as terrifying as my thoughts were, was even better.
A couple seated at the table next to ours ordered walnut and blueberry waffles. We pointed at their order and told the waiter we wanted the same along with another round of coffee.
‘Would you have told me about Meena had I not brought it up?’
I have no idea why I had brought up Meena, but it seemed like she was never far from my thoughts when I was around Andrew.
Andrew shook his head. ‘I have no clear answer on that,’ he said.
My eyes met his.
‘If you were single, I would definitely have told you. But you are almost engaged to Ravi Rao… I’m not sure.’
I nodded.
‘I don’t think I would’ve mentioned anything if you and Meena were still close.’
He was moving his hands as he spoke, trying to define close perhaps.
‘I wouldn’t have wanted to ruin a friendship. I had already ruined what we had.’
Thoughtful. Was it considerate? Another adjective?
‘I was not thinking then, Myraah.’ Andrew’s hand was on my shoulder. ‘I was alone…’
I nodded. He had consistently tossed the word ‘alone’ at me. As if it were a frisbee I was meant to catch in a flying disc game we were playing on some sunny beach.
A gust of wind washed over us, my tee rode up and my hair swept across my face. Andrew’s hands were on me, pulling down my tee and straightening my hair.
‘For my mother, I would’ve done anything, given everything. I loved her beyond reason, Andrew.’ My curls were in my mouth.
Andrew’s eyes clouded. After what seemed like an eternity, he said, ‘That’s what you felt for me…’ He was nodding, his eyes hollow.
I looked out at the scenery. The words that were going through my mind were deep, thick, intense and dark. Words that finished like the strokes of a brush.
