‘No, no, that’s fine. What’s up?’
‘I have some news, Myraah.’
As if on cue, my head stopped turning and focused on what Andrew was saying. ‘Ravi Rao might contest these elections.’ There was a pause, and then he continued. ‘I’m not calling to confirm the news. I just wanted to tell you what I had heard.’
I managed a laugh. A weak one.
I hung up and dialled Chhaya. I wanted to vomit it out. All that I had seen and heard. I wanted someone to takeit in and call it for me. Meena was with Ravi. They were together, but there was no physical contact. I repeated it in my head as I waited for my friend to pick up her phone.
‘Babe.’ That was Chhaya. The equanimity of her character resonated in her voice. It calmed me instantly. What could be so wrong?
I took a deep breath and spoke slowly. Told her everything I had seen and heard, every little sound and note, the size of her heels and the starch of his shirt. I also told her about Andrew’s call and my little lie about where I was and what I was doing. I spoke quickly, whispering, throwing a glance around me every now and then, like I was giving her details of a heist I had just fumbled through.
I heard my friend’s smile.
Seeing Meena and Ravi together was a kick in the gut. I didn’t tell Chhaya that. He had not only dismissed my offer of friendship, but had also moved on. And with a woman who had played hide-and-seek with my emotions.
‘So she’s been stalking him.’
‘Who?’
‘She.’
‘Who she? What are you talking about?’
‘What do you think Meena was doing at the café the last time you met Ravi?’
Chhaya spoke slowly, slower than usual. I checked my watch; it was about midday. Had she started drinking early?
‘You spotted Meena at the same café when you broke up with him. Remember?’
‘Oh, come on! She hardly knew I was breaking up with the man!’
‘Of course, she didn’t, but when has that stopped her?’
I despised the way this woman saw things so clearly; it was almost plain.
‘I can’t remember who said this; maybe I read it somewhere, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”’
If I was in any other place, other than this city I call home, I’d have squatted on the footpath and shut my eyes so tight they would’ve hit the back of my skull. My head was turning, my shoulders weighed a ton and my legs felt heavy. I knew far too many people here. I’m not 18 any more, and while I’m not famous, this is home. At home, everyone knows everyone. Even if not by name. I turned to my right, and I saw a phone cover vendor, who had spread his wares on the ground. ‘Salaam,’ he said. I nodded. I see him every other day. He didn’t know me, but he recognized me.
‘What are you scared of?’ Chhaya asked.
‘I don’t care if they are seeing each other. I don’t care if they are already sleeping together. I don’t give a fuck.’
‘You are bummed. You should be, even though your heart is with another man. They’re two different things.’
My breathing was heavy. I could hear it.
‘If you weren’t, I would’ve had to rush over and check your pulse.’
I was almost running, and the rumble in my heart was finding expression in my respiratory tract.
‘That relationship meant a lot to you. It didn’t go where you thought it might. Maybe it had run its course, maybe Andrew returned, and you realized the depth of your feelings for him. But this is not either/or; it never is in matters such as this, darling.’
I felt tears running down my cheeks. ‘This is ridiculous.’
‘These are feelings.’
