She repeated it, rapidly each time trying to catch her breath. “It’s over. Everything I worked for. Everything I gave up and it’s…it’s.”
“Emani,” Donnée buzzed her name, moving the wine glass Emani dropped in the wake of the news. “You got to breathe.”
“Over. It’s over.”
Like Jahlil could feel her hyperventilating from the kitchen, he whisked out the kitchen, through the living room and out into the sunroom. Finding Emani’s hand pressed over her chest, tears flowing from her eyes hurt him.
“Jah, I-” Donnée started as Jahlil stepped over the shattered glass and squatted down in front of her.
“Rose,” his voice, rumbling in the most gentle way, flowed through her chaos and touched her spirit with a calmness. “Breathe, baby.”
Emani whimpered and pulled in a shallow breath. “I-”
“Breathe,” he said again.
This time Emani pulled in a deeper breath. Her eyes trained on him, tears still falling. He removed her hands from her chest and wrapped his around them. Emani kept breathing until her heart returned to a normal rate. Jahlil didn’t ask anything else of her, just pulled her to her feet and turned so she could hop on his back.
Roaming out the side door, he walked them down the side of the house, past the pool house, guest house and gym. When they reached the edge of the gated property where suspended porch swings hung underneath a thick glass roof, he placed her down on the large cushion and positioned himself next to her.
“Come lay on me,” he urged, spreading his arms for her to find solace in.
Emani sniffled and rested herself in his hold. He offered her silence. Emani stared aimlessly at the manicured lawn and listened to his heart beat against her ear. She loved the sound of that, ever since she’d first heard it. Powerful and steady, making her want to crawl into his skin and stay there so she could feel it and hear it every second of the day. Jahlil’s hand roamed up and down her back, gently signaling her body that it was safe to relax. The realization that she hadn’t been safe to relax made the tears start again. And then she gave him her voice.
“My label is putting me on ice. And they’re keeping my masters. I’m trapped,” Emani softly sniffled. “I feel like I keep fuckin’ my shit up and always behind some bullshit. Whose going to take me seriously at this point? I’m a joke.”
“Nah, you ain’t never been a joke, E. Never. And not for nothing, we all fuck up. It’s a part of growing. You’re about to take off for real. It doesn’t matter about the time or the age or what some punk ass record label says. You cannot be put in a box. I know it, you know it, they know it,” Jahlil shared. “You gotta look at all this from a different lens, Rose. You said you weren’t made to fit in a box and you think shit ain’t going to happen to test you? You were made for this, you’re going to win. You didn’t survive everything to lose.”
She chewed her lip. Her doubts and fears were safe with him because he would never hold it against her. Or judge her for it. Safety and softness were expected and respected here. “What if it takes me from you?”
Jahlil’s being rumbled in a confident laugh. “Nothing is keeping me from you again. If we have to go from junior varsity games, to road games to concerts that’ll just be our life. If I got to miss out on sleep to show up and support you, that’s what it’s going to be. You get I’ve been planning this moment since I woke the fuck up? I will build my life around you to make sure you can live in your light. I’m not going to try to put it in a jar so I can covet it. I know who you are and I’m aware of the gift you were given. That’s not for me to possess, E. That’s for the world, baby. But know one thing, this home, this peace, this safety is for you and it’ll never change.”
Emani crooned. “You love me.”
“With every fiber of my being. And I won’t let some bad news send you into a spiral,” Jahlil stated. “So what’s the plan?”
She shrugged. “I guess I need a real criminal lawyer and figure out what’s what. It’s crazy, all the shit I’ve done and this is what got me caught up.”
Jahlil chuckled. “Yeah, your ass should’ve been locked up.”
She nudged him.
“I’m playin’, I’m playin’. You know I would’ve broke your ass out.”
“You better had, I was committing crimes for you,” Emani softly laughed and then sighed.
“Don’t live in your head. I’ve seen you make something from nothing and always end up on top. You’re built for this, baby. But right now, breathe. Carson and Donnée are going to handle the lawyer and the charges. Let your team do what they need to, you just rest here and let me love on you.”
Softly, she replied, sinking deeper into his arms. “Okay.”
Jahlil kissed the top of her head. “I got E. Rose in my bed. She be living in my head.”
Emani laughed. “Not your first and only rap.”
“I got bars. Don’t be no hater, baby. You know I got it.”
She sat up slightly to look down at him with her puffy eyes and big hair. “You absolutely do not, but you got me.”
“Damn, right.” Jahlil cupped her face. “Don’t worry about the bullshit, stay focused, E. Hear me? Or I need to make you listen?”
