“Well, I’m glad. Now move.”
“Leave when I’m done talking. You can’t control this like you try to do everything else.”
Emani spun around, finding him right there. She pushed him back. “You got some fuckin’ nerves tellin’ me what to do. Give me the weak ass sorry now, so I can go.”
Jahlil barely moved when she pushed him but stepped back, allowing her to take up space. He sat on the stairs, sure to be eye level with her. “I’m sorry. For hurting you. For taking everything you gave me and never looking back. For breaking that tender heart. For choosing her, starting a family. For dropping you like you didn’t mean shit.”
Emani tucked her trembling lips. “You took my safe place away.”
“I know,” he spoke just above a whisper. “I got on and lost my mind. It wasn’t the plan. Everything was just so new and big. I thought you’d be okay because since I met you, you’ve always been okay. It just-”
“Yeah, it just happened right? Pretty girl, not so rough around the edges, conformed to your new world. You didn’t see struggle with her. Not like with me. A constant reminder that our lives were fucked up. You didn’t have that weight of carrying me. Or being responsible to me. Yeah, I get it. It’s my daily reminder. I’m too much.”
“E, that wasn’t the case.”
She tearfully replied. “It was. Because I’m trying to change who I am for him. So he can see me how I wanted you to see me. Something fuckin’ worth keeping. You know how that feels? Huh? No one wanting you, not even the nigga you laying with. You know what that does? And every day I have to walk out that house or turn a camera on acting like I was cool. Like shit is sweet. I’m killing myself to fit in a box because the one man I wanted. The one I needed. The one picked someone else.”
“I fucked up, E.”
“Yeah but this is where we are now. You lived comfortably and cool for seven years and I-” she stopped herself and wiped her face. “I can’t do this.”
He reached out and held her steady so she wouldn’t attempt to run off. “Say it.”
“I looked for you in everyone. I’m not putting all the blame on you. Most of this is on me for wanting to be loved so damn bad. It was like I had it and instead of fighting to hold on to it, I let it go. I trusted it wouldn’t take seven years. When I saw you with her, something in me broke. So I searched for something that came close. And when I got tired of being backhanded and lied to and gaslit, and unable to open my eyes without them hurting, the next best thing was settling. Because foolishly, if I couldn’t have you, I’d have something safe enough. And until recently, Malik was safe enough. That’s why I chose him. No, he wasn’t you. No one is you. It was just safe, cookie cutter, by the book. It was supposed to be easy but now it feels like it’s about to snap.”
She pulled herself out of his hold and wiped her face. “I’m tired of being angry with you. It takes too much. Can we agree to making the next couple of days peaceful? At least for our friends.”
“I’m not going to lie to you, E. I came back for you.”
His admittance to her forced her to bitterly huff and scratch her scalp through her curls. “I hate when he’s right. He’s on my neck about you.”
“I can handle that. Leave him to me but you’re mine,” Jahlil declared. “There’s no other way around that. There’s no other world where you and I don’t make sense. Where we aren’t supposed to be together. You know that. Tell me you don’t and I’ll leave.”
“Ohh girl you better tell big daddy you know that,” Derrick crooned from wherever he was hidden.
“I know you fuckin’ lying,” Emani muttered, turning to find Derrick poking his head out of the kitchen. “Derrick, are you serious?”
“I mean I was going to wait until he picked you up and carried you upstairs to leave but my big mouth,” Derrick replied and Jahlil scrubbed his face. “I mean I can go back into hiding and y’all can seal this on up because we don’t like him either, Jahlil.”
“Why are you here?” Emani quizzed.
“Donnée said you were going to the step show. I wanted to make sure you looked the part. My bad for caring,” Derrick sassed as Jahlil stood and stepped off the stairs. “I’m going to leave y’all to it.”
Jahlil waited until Derrick was upstairs before bending to take Emani into his arms and hug her. “I’m sorry.”
She hugged him back providing him a warmth he’d miss all these years apart. “I am too. For acting like I wasn’t scared.”
“Yeah I know. This isn’t over though,” he spoke, cupping her chin.
He tilted her face up. Opting to kiss her cheek, he stepped back and sighed. “You should go get ready. See you.”
Emani tucked her lip between her teeth and nodded. “See you.”
15 /MALIK
Every free moment he got,he was glued to his phone. While Emani only posted her outfits, photos of her with fans, and miscellaneous items like playing cards and dominoes scattered over the table, Malik gathered his information from various tags, the friend group he didn’t like but tolerated posting pictures and OSU’s homecoming page.
In all those photos, Jahlil was in the background. Close enough to touch her but at a distance that only delusion would allow someone to think there was something happening between them.
