The servants return with a ladder and several black cloths to protect the ground and cover the body with. No part of me wants to remain in the room as they attempt to pry the warrior from the wall. I turn my head to the side and casually brush my fingertips to my brow to block the view.
“Far be it from me to deny my son. We will meet in the strategy room in an hour,” Esmeray says, flouncing past us and up the stairs.
Kyron walks by my side as we head up behind his mother. His jaw ticks while he stares ahead, and the tension emanating from him makes the air around us thick. Since the day I first met him, he has held himself responsible for those in his keep. He took it as a personal blow to his abilities as a leader if he lost one person during a battle. It has to tear him apart that his warrior is a casualty of our newly formed rivalry with the Allaji.
I wait for the last of the council and the queen to turn down their corridors and quietly say, “I’m sorry about Lance. He not only seemed dedicated to his duties, but I could see that he genuinely cared for you.”
“He did. Him and his wife just had their first child. He refused to take time away until after my anointment. His daughter is just a baby.” Kyron tilts his head back, and his Adam’s apple bobs. “This shouldn’t have happened, not within our walls and definitely not in this palace. I should have taken better precautions. No one should have gotten that close to…” He pulls his hair and slowly releases a breath. “I should have done better.”
I step ahead of him and turn, putting us face to face. Placing my palms on his cheeks, I say, “I understand your frustration, but you aren’t Stigian’s king. Lance’s death isn’t on your hands, it’s on your mother’s.”
“Raelle,” he warns.
“No. You need to hear this. There will come a day when you carry this kingdom on your shoulders. Each life here will be your sole responsibility, but that day isn’t now. Your mother is responsible for this. She is careless and selfish and?—”
“This isn’t the time or place for this,” he says, removing my hands from his face and continuing up the stairs.
His rejection strikes a nerve with me. How can he not contemplate the atrocious acts that happen under his mother’s rule every second of every day? Since I’ve been in the palace, not an hour has gone by where I don’t think about it. I can’t forget the Cyffreds that wither away in cells, or who put them there. It’s impossible not to blame Lance’s death on her as well. Esmeray has held no regard for her people and her failure to do so has killed countless and the body count will only rise.
I keep up with his stride, not ready to back down. He needs to hear me to understand that he must fight against what is happening in his kingdom. I wait for my father and Micah to enter the king’s quarters, and Zek disappears into mine before I broach the subject again.
“How can you be so complacent with the principles your ancestors built Pliris upon? It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now. And you know it!”
Kyron halts in the middle of the hallway and slowly pivots around to face me. “Every kingdom has wreaked havoc on the lives of others, even Lucent. Or did you forget that my uncle bound my memories to hold me hostage? I’m sure I wasn’t the first person he’s manipulated for his kingdom’s gain.”
I open and close my mouth, unable to find a strong rebuttal. “I didn’t forget, Kyron.”
“Neither have I! Everyone has lived my life for me, setting the course, steering me this way and that.” He sweeps his hand in the air. “This is the first choice I made without someone fucking with me. I know what I’ve gotten into, and although I don’t deserve it, I’m asking you to trust me, Raelle.”
I once threw open the doors of my heart to Kyron. Not a single soul in the five kingdoms understands me the way he does. He knows all the sweet words to say and how to look at me in a way that makes me want to melt to a pool at his feet. But I won’t let all those small things that I adore about him cloud my judgment.
“I can’t,” I say, the words thick in my mouth.
Pain flashes in his eyes, shooting straight to my heart. What has transpired between us has never felt so real. This isn’t the kind of hurt I just get over, and the sins of his kingdom aren’t the type I can pretend I don’t see. We may never get past the damage that he caused us.
He slides his palm over his face and lets out a long breath. “Then trust the strength of the lessons Abrum taught me. My mother can’t unravel everything he instilled in me, or the love he showed me. Trust that he molded me into the kind of king you believe I should be.”
I can’t let my guard down. The last time I let him in, he tore me in two. I’m far from being whole again, but I’m learning how to fit the leftover pieces of me into someone new. A woman who is stronger than she once was, and a queen that will not easily bend. I’ll never again be the trusting girl he once knew.
I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his cheek. Against his skin I whisper, “Prove it to me, Your Grace. Show me you’re the change this kingdom needs, and I’ll trust you. Until then, you’re just another ruler who builds their kingdom upon the backs of those you deem disposable.”
Kyron opens his mouth to reply, but I don’t wait to hear it. I don’t want any more prettily spoken promises or sworn oaths. It’s time that the Stigian prince proves he’ll be a faithful ally to me and my kingdom.
Nine
As I sit across from Micah and my father in the carriage, I reflect on the compromise Lucent has come to with Stigian. We will split our forces. Half of them will train in Stigian with Esmeray’s commanding warrior and my father, and the other half will train at Basecamp with Kyron and my father’s second in command, Greer. I saw fear flash across Papa’s face when the suggestion was made. Willingly returning to the place where he was held captive couldn’t sit well with him. The unease he had coming on this trip alone was evident. But as always, his dedication to his kingdom and our king overruled his fear. On the other hand, I wonder how Greer, Ulric, and Terro will react to units of their enemy’s army invading their space. Or how they will feel about their ex-general being back at the helm.
Everything feels so off kilter with this new agreement, but it doesn’t stifle my desire to fight alongside those I admire. I don’t want to spend my days holed up in the palace, receiving reports. I can’t reap the benefits from others’ sacrifices.
“I want to return to Basecamp,” I blurt out.
My father and godfather fall silent and turn their gazes to me. Zek, who hasn’t spoken to me since my outburst last night, shoots me a side glance.
“We’ve been over this before, Raelle,” Micah says.
“We have, but that was before I knew you gave me the Eporri, before I knew how to fight alongside others. I want to lead and fight with our people. They deserve to see that they have a future ruler who will never ask them to do something that she wouldn’t do herself.”
“It is too dangerous and you are too important.”
