She expertly slides a diaper onto her son and tapes it shut. “I doubt you can even find patterns and string.”
“Bet I can. I’m going to search Google right now. “As I wander to her computer. I squat to pat Catrina, purring madly by the heater.
So cute, she jumps on the swivel chair and lifts her chin for scratches. As I do, she wriggles onto the table and rolls around on the keyboard.
An image of a Smart Sissy doll pops up along with a message. ‘Congratulations. Enter in the next sixty seconds to receive your free gift.”
Sam’s been trying to get her hands on this smart-toy for months. Before she loses her opportunity, I type in my email and hit send.
A Zoom meeting opens but instead of Hollywood Squares, a screen full of biker memes appear. One lights up as someone says something about a fir tree followed by letters and numbers.
Then, the same man says. "Who the fuck are you?"
“Shit!” My cousin races out of the bedroom, puts Mikey on the floor, and ends the meeting. “What did you just do?”
“Nothing! I swear. It was her.” I point at the cat who blinks, yawns, and licks her tail.
“Dammit.” My cuz lifts the electrical tape over her computer’s camera and presses it back down. “At least they didn’t see you.”
“Umm… I’m sorry. What happened?”
“Did you hear something? Anything?” A former FBI agent, my cousin never gets rattled but right now, she’s about to hyperventilate.
I grab the toddler, set him in his highchair, and try to recall those few short seconds before the popup. “I heard a guy say ever-something… followed by some numbers. Why?”
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Suds is going to kill me. I’m going to get fired. And divorced.”
Sam’s order of events is backwards, but judging from her red face, now’s not the time to point it out. “Can you back up a smidgeon? I have no idea what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on.”
“I know and you shouldn’t. Oh my Godzilla. I’m in so much sheet-cake. I was on the dark web!” As my cousin tries not to swear, I lose my place in the conversation.
Then, I think Sam’s messing with me and ask her, “Likethedark web?”
“I don’t know, Rose, is there another?”
With her snark back in place, I relax. “You’re the PI.Youtell me.”
“This is serious. I was pretending to be a Fentanyl dealer. How the heck did you end up in their meeting?”
“Your cat rolled on the keyboard. She must’ve hit a magic combination of keys.”
“Promise me you didn't touch anything else?”
I shake my head and hold my tongue. I’ll tell her about the popup and the Smart Sissy when there’s no sharp objects in the vicinity or perhaps, after I’ve booked a flight to a foreign country with no extradition treaty.
Chapter 3
Wheels
Sitting with my pals at a local Brooklyn dive, I shoot the shit. Despite the freezing rain, or maybe because of it, the half dozen booths are full. As a mix of oldies plays out of the speakers, I congratulate myself for last night.
My cock, however, has been a total dick about ditching Rose Morelli and in retaliation, has remained half-aroused for the last twenty-four hours. I’m the brains of the operation, not him, so insist he stand down. Yeah, she’s gorgeous, smells fantastic and sets him on fire but she is still off limits.
The bearded bartender, Omar, wipes down the ancient dark wood with a rag. As he raises a brow, I nod, and point at our empties.
As another round arrives, Suds swivels his stool and faces me. “Another year bites the dust. Got any New Year’s resolutions?”
“Not get fired.” It’s the truth. Working at a top-notch company like Patten is something I never dreamed possible, especially while stuck in a wheelchair. Now I’m on my feet, I’ll need to prove myself every day.
