In the dining room, someone taps me on the shoulder. “Psst.”
Turning, I marvel at my father in the guise of a waiter. The gray wig, thick glasses, and mouth guard change his appearance so much, I almost don’t recognize him.
“Thank you, sir.” Pinky out, I pluck a caviar covered crostini from the offered platter.
His back to the camera in the ceiling’s corner, he places an index finger to his nose, and opens his hand. At this five-minute warning, I wander over to a gent about my age, who has a net worth second only to Elon Musk.
I’ve met him once before, so nod politely and shake his hand. “Fantastic party, Snowdon. Thanks for the invite.”
The bearded man narrows his gaze. “How’s the booty hunting business?”
Ignoring his misspeak, I shrug. “Pays the bills, mate.”
“Your father’s not hurting. Why not live off his bank account?” The blatant attempt to continually annoy me has no effect, because unlike him, I have a job that makes a difference.
“The old man gives everything away. I’m afraid, when he dies, there’ll be nothing left.” I hate to admit the truth, but I love robbing from these rich bastards and giving it to the less fortunate.
The billionaire’s latest arm candy, Lady Anabella Pennington-Smythe, slinks to his side. The cut of her cowl dress is so low, I can discern the rose of her areola. The dress is designed to make men hold their breath, and wait for the fabric to dip, but the gravity defying material is a sham, and no doubt glued to her nipples.
The Barbie doll shaped woman pouts her thick, botoxed lips. “This party is so boring. I’m out of here.”
Her three bodyguards surround her, and my gaze drops to her precious bracelet. One might mistake the jewelry for a watch, but closer inspection would prove otherwise. Glittering gems fashion the band, and instead of a face, the center consists of a huge, rare, pink diamond.
Rumors abound how she came to own it. The most believable tale speaks of a Saudi prince who also provides the small army to defend it.
Showtime.
Frowning at my empty hand, I swivel toward a teenage girl carrying a tray of fluted champagne glasses and tangle my right shoe in Smythe’s hem. With a hip-bump, the blue-blood, wobbles on her spiked heels and I make a half-hearted attempt to grab her. As planned, she slides out of my grasp and topples the waitress. Crystal goblets fly and smash to the floor with the symphonic power of Tchaikovsky’s Fourth.
Lost in the perfection of the moment, I almost forget my lines as the hyphenated-last-name screams at the wide-eyed server. “I will have your job. You’ll be lucky to serve fish and chips in-”
“The fault was all mine.” My arm reaches to assist the glowering woman, but she slaps it away.
“You, you… clumsy troll.” Turning, she reaches for the bass-mouthed, mesmerized Snowden.
“Oi. Lend a hand, can ya mate?” A firm slap on his back brings him to life, and he lifts her from the wreckage.
With them preoccupied, I present a business card to the crying girl. “Take this to any restaurant in the UK. My father will see you’re hired.”
“Th-thank you.”
As the bewildered waitress stacks crystal shards on her palm, I squat to help, and shoot her a smile. “Terribly sorry for your trouble, miss.”
Act one over and the second about to begin, I search the room for my dad but he’s busy changing costumes.
“Your bracelet. It’s missing, m’lady.” One of the socialite’s burly bodyguards points to an empty wrist.
“Oh my God. You find it now.” Screeching, she stomps her spiked heel on the broken goblets and all the guests come running.
“Couldn’t’ve gone far, m’lady.” While I duck under the nearest table to aid in the search, our elderly hostess rushes over and trembles next to me.
Worried she might faint, I pull out a chair and help her to sit.
“I’m sure they’ll find it.” Patting her hand, I note the cameras placed strategically around the dining room.
“Too late. The vultures are already picking at my bones.” Her fingertip points out a group of partiers taking selfies, pretending to anchor the evening news.
The restaurant manager locks the doors. “Everyone, return to your seats, we need to conduct a search.”
