“Maybe you’re too choosy.” He snatches a roll off the table.
“Ten minutes.” My sister snaps him with a wooden spoon and pushes him into the living room.
Grabbing the two kids, I sit them in front ofThe Grinchand turn it up real loud. This clever move ends any hope of conversing about my love life and keeps the children occupied while their perfect parents finish our Thanksgiving meal.
Before long, my brother-in-law pokes his head out of the dining room and announces, “Dinner is served.”
“So, what do you think of the president meeting the pope?”Religion and politics?I congratulate myself for my ingenuity. There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashioned holiday argument to take the heat off me.
As the meal progresses, I let my guard down. Finishing the last of my pie, I send a message to one of my business partners. We text for a few minutes and the moment I stop, Mandy looms over me, frowning.
“Really Danni? Can’t you put your work down for one day?” When she drinks, she can get bitchy, and she’s had three glasses of wine by my count.
“Sorry.”Not sorry.
She has her family but my happily-ever-after is wrapped up in this dating program. If I fail, I’ll lose everything.
She has never understood the pressure I’m under and by the superior look on her face, today is no different. “Derrick told me how everything you do is online so I don’t see why you can’t move back to Vermont. There’s no reason for you to live in the city. I bet you don’t even go to museums or plays.”
“I like it there.” My unconvincing tone fools no one, not even me.
Mandy gulps down the last of her wine and pours another. “You know what I think? I think your virtual reality is more important than your real reality.”
“Hun.” Derrick shoots her a warning glance which she misses by a mile because she’s got the ball and she’s running for the goal line.
“Well, it’s true. Danni has no life. She’s got her weird online detectives and her dating app. That’s it. She needs help.”
Hoping to avoid an argument, I stack dessert dishes, and ditch the football metaphors.
In the kitchen, I take a long, deep breath and congratulate myself on how far I’ve come. In the past, I would’ve lashed out. Now, with an e-reader full of self-help books, I better understand my family’s dynamics. My sister, at some level, is threatened by my job and there is nothing I can do about it. On the other hand, I’m jealous of how she found happiness in home and hearth.
I don’twantto be a stay-at-home mom. It’s more like IwishI wanted to, if that makes any sense.
As the dishwasher runs, I finish the remaining dishes by hand and put the kettle on to boil. I fill a huge tea ball, hook the chain on the edge of the pot, and while I wait for the whistle, I set china cups on the table.
“So, I heard you had a fight with Cole.” Mandy’s eyes narrow and I curse the day I told her I slept with him. She’s never let me live it down.
“A friendly disagreement. It was nothing.” I run back into the kitchen and she follows.
“It was about Stacy’s death, wasn’t it?”
“No, no. Nothing about her.”
“Don’t lie.” The older sister tone, despite years of therapy, pushes all my buttons.
I cup my palms over my ears, walk back into the living room and plop down on the sofa. “I’m not listening, la, la, la.”
Gram smiles but her eyes have a faraway look in them, something I’ve not noticed before.
Mandy glares to where our mother snores in a lounge chair and hisses. “If you can work anywhere, why not do it here? Mom could use your help.”
Here we go. Time to pour on the guilt. Don’t you just love the holidays?I think back on high school and more recently, how the town gave me the cold shoulder at Stacy’s’ funeral. I don’t fit in and never did. Moving back is not an option.
“Listen, thanks for dinner. Paul, do you want me to drive Gram and Mom home?”
“No, I got it.” Oblivious to my sister’s brow beating, he looks up from a movie he’s watching with the kids and waves.
Just once, I wish he’d stick up for me but according to all the psychology books, he probably never will. His role is peacemaker. Mine is shit-upon. I love my family to death but after a few hours, my head is pounding and I have to bite my tongue to keep from shouting in frustration.
