Chapter Twenty-One
Suds
Sam washes the mugs in the sink while I hold my thumbs over the burner phone. After all these years, can I find it in my heart to forgive my mother? Sure, Silver Moon was young, but there was no excuse for sleeping around while my father was risking his life for our country.
“Just call her.” Sitting next to me, my lovely wife pinches my chin.
Captured by the heavenly swirls of her dark chocolate eyes, I hiss out my breath. “It’s not that simple. The hate is so much a part of me, I’m not sure how to let it go. I do know this. Whatever happened between her and my dad, it didn’t give her the right to abandon me and my sister.”
My partner’s fingertips trace along my clenched jaw, make their way to the back of my neck, and she pulls me into a kiss. “Suds, honey. Forgiveness isn’t for the person who did the wrong. It’s for the one holding onto the grudge. It’s time to let it go.”
Releasing her mouth, I tug her to my chest, inhaling strawberries and her musky scent. “Since when did you get so wise?”
“I saw it on a Facebook meme. It stuck with me.” Smirking, she pokes my top rib and I trap her hand by clamping my bicep to my side.
“Figures. It was a mite too straightforward for one of Father O’s sermons.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve been sleeping through them since I was a kid.” Giggling, she pushes at my chest and tries to escape my payback but I’m not done and we fight until she says uncle.
With my mood lightened, I dial Moon’s number. “Hey, want to stop by? Me and Sam are heading out tomorrow and I thought we might talk some more before I go.”
A few hours later, my birth mother and I sit outside on the shaded porch while my domestically impaired wife tackles iced tea in the kitchen.
A graying ponytail swishes to the front, then the woman who bore me leans back in the old webbed lawn chair. “I never stopped loving you.”
At first, I don’t say nothin’ because to me, caring is more about what youdothan what you say. “You could’ve written. Mebbe sent a card on my birthday?”
Eyes focused on the ground, she frowns. “Your dad didn’t want me to. He said I was a bad influence and the judge agreed. Ultimately, he got full custody.”
Her bitter tone pisses me off so I don’t pull my punches. “Because you slept around.”
Shrugging, she meets my angry gaze. “You know what? You’re right. I was a horrible mother.”
Damn straight.“Am I even his? His name’s not on my birth certificate so I got a right to ask.”
“Honestly, I don’t know and he refused to take a paternity test.” She sighs. “I wasn’t cut out to be a military wife.”
Holy fuck, ain’t that a kick in the balls. My dad might not even be my dad.“Then why the hell marry him in the first place?”
She stands, hands clenched at her side. “Because he got me pregnant at sixteen. There weren’t a whole lot of other options!”
A flock of birds takes flight and Sam pokes her head out the door. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, we’re just having a great ol’ time hashing out the past, aren’t we, Mom?” Every time I think I might be close to forgiving her, she throws more gasoline on the fire.
Moon sinks back into her chair, her shoulders drop, and her voice calms. “We met in a bar, both ready for a night of fun. A few months later, I was pregnant and my mother called Coyote.”
Her eyes glaze over, reflecting the cloudless sky. “A member of the tribal council, he reached out to your father’s CO. Sex with a sixteen year old, even a Native American, is a serious charge. Even though I explained how I used a fake ID, it was decided we would be married. I didn’t have any choice in the matter.”
“What did your mother say?” I picture my gran living in poverty and already know the answer.
“Basically, I made my bed and needed to lie in it.” Her eyes stare vacantly into the vastness of the desert. “So, I left my family, the reservation, and everything that made me happy to move onto a Navy base with a man I barely knew. …a man who was gone the majority of the time. For a while, things were okay but after years of being alone, I gave up. I’m sorry.”
“So why not divorce him?”Instead of whore around.
“I thought about it many times but I’d lose my insurance. And, to be fair, I wasn’t hurting anyone. You and Stephanie got to have a mom and I got to have a little bit of happiness.”
“But what about Dad? While he was out fighting for our country, you were two-timing him.”
