Before he can say anything, I begin my offensive. “Hi, you remember the cold case you asked me to follow up on? Well, I found the killer, rather he found me, and he Tasered Suds but Cat jumped on the keyboard which distracted him and Suds slammed him to the ground but I had to shoot him.”
“You shot your husband?” A police chief should sound horrified but he almost sounds pleased.
“No, the online strangler.” I roll my eyes.
“Oh. Are you hurt?”
“No.”
“Sebastian?”
“He’s fine, too.”
“Don’t let them take you to the station. I’ll send a couple of detectives over. Make sure everyone washes their hands and wears masks. We’re in a fucking pandemic.” Dad shoots off directives as if I was one of his rookies instead of his daughter.
Thankfully, the second Uncle Vinny hears the boys in blue are coming, he says his goodbyes. In his wake, I insist the Zoom ladies follow to make room for the first responders.
When sirens sound, I wrap the pink bunny mask around my ears and hand the other one to Suds.
My father pounds on the landing door. “What the fuck? Move this shit.”
“I got it.” Laughing, Suds shoves the treadmill aside but Dad is not amused.
“What if youz guys had a fire, huh? You think all firemen are skinny?”
“No sir. I’ll keep the path clear from now on.”
“Damn fucking straight you will. Where the hell is the perp?”
Suds upends the bench, slides the weights, and opens the door. Two paramedics and three officers rush in behind them.
“You wanna tell me what happened here?” Arms crossed, my dad moves his back to the wall to make room for the ambulance crew.
They take the killer’s vitals, attach a bag of fluids, and check the wound. Shivering, I realize that could easily be me on the floor… or Suds.
Hopefully, in time, the bloodstain will fade. If not, I suppose I could make mention of it when potential clients come to visit. Who knows? I could put a sign on the door and become Bensonhurst’s most famous tourist attraction.
Like they did when I was a kid, his fingers snap in front of my face. “Sam, anyone home?”
Suds opens his mouth to help me out but the older of my two men holds up a palm. “Not you, her. C’mon little lady, I haven’t got all day.”
My crazy partner zips it shut and winks. He’s probably disappointed because now he won’t have a chance to beat his previous record for the longest ramble. The Guinness Book of Records will just have to wait.
I consider surpassing his time but decide against it because there’s a vein about to pop in my father’s forehead. My mom would never forgive me if he had a stroke.
In the time spent taking a deep breath, I shorten my explanation by a factor of ten. “There isn’t much to tell. Suds went downstairs to retrieve a package and when he came back, this guy followed him in.”
My dad turns to his new son-in-law. “How’d he get the drop on you? Short answer.”
A shadow of pain crosses over my partner’s face. “To be fair, sir. Iamstill recovering from COVID. He Tasered me when I went after what I thought was a porch pirate.”
“What happened once you got inside?” The way my father purses his lips, I wonder if we will ever live this down.
After Suds recounts his story from start to finish, Mike Russo squats down and does something he’s never done before. He pats Catrina on the head who seems as surprised as him.
Then, he closes my laptop. “I’m going to need this.”
“Daddy, no…”
