Huh? Am I dead? I could’ve sworn there should be more fanfare but maybe this is all there is, the devil’s version of Groundhog Day. You relive the worst moments of your life over and over.
“Suds?”
I know that voice. I love that voice. My heart beats faster.Did I kill her, too?
“Suds, wake up.” Sam, Taser in hand, cowers in a corner while my nightmare alarm blares.
“Fuck. I’m awake. It’s safe.” I reach to slide on my weapon’s safety but it’s not in my hand, it’s locked away a drawer.
“How long this time?” I switch off the fucking racket while she waits, eyes wide.
“N-not long.”
“Fuck.” My stupid brain continues to misfire while visions of dead friends float just below the surface. My eardrums ache, my palm burns from my hot weapon, and yet none of that just happened. It was years ago.
Chapter Three
Sam
“Is there a fire?” Sienna shouts from downstairs as I poke my head through the curtains.
“No, no. It’s Suds’ PTSD alarm. I’m really sorry it woke you.”
“Oh… Is he alright?” Her blue cell phone screen lights up her ghostly pale face.
“Happens all the time. He’s fine.” I flash a smile, close the fabric, and folding my legs, sit across from my lover.
“Was it bad?” I don’t have to ask.
“Yeah.” His haunted eyes meet mine, I cover his clenched fists with my palms, and will them to relax.
“Sorry, hun.”
“Whatever.” Residual tears disappear with a wipe from the back of his hand. “It was so damn real. I tried to be more aware like the shrink said, and this time, I was certain something was off but didn’t dare stop shooting because… you know… What if it wasn’t a dream?”
“Maybe next time, you can wake yourself. It takes time.” I shift so we’re side by side, allowing his heavy arm to drape over my shoulder.
“Fuck. Isn’t it enough I lived through it once?”
I lift my chin so I can kiss his cheek’s rough stubble. “Tell me one new thing you saw this time.”
Suds frowns and clams up, but after a bit, he sighs deeply. “Remember the woman in the road?”
“The one with a baby?” I’ve often heard his story but each time it’s slightly different. I’m sure it’s the key to releasing him from these nightmares.
My hand slips around his waist as he rests his chin on top of my head. “I always thought she was holding an infant. Lucky did too. That’s why he says he swerved but it wasn’t a baby, it was explosives wrapped in a blanket. Jesus, Sam. The girl was sixteen at most. More likely, fourteen… a goddamn kid.”
“I’m so, so sorry.” I hug him tighter, my ear at his thumping heart.
A while later, Suds’ muscles relax. He tucks a finger under my chin and kisses me until I’m breathless. When we come up for air, his beautiful dark eyes suck me deep into his soul.
When he grins, his mask settles back in place. “There is one bright side. If I hadn’t been blown to bits, I never would’ve met you.”
“And I’d still be working for the FBI because you wouldn’t’ve gotten me fired.” I poke his top rib, making him snicker.
“You’re welcome.” He takes his voice down a notch, lips at my ear. “I wish we could make love but you’re too damn loud.”
“I am not, you are.” Laughing, I duck under the covers but he plays dirty and pulls my hair.
