I throw my suitcase in my room and it seems like years, not days, since I was last here.
Mom: Come right over. My last appointment is at four. Is that okay?”
Me: B there in just a few.”
The weather has turned foul and an umbrella will just turn inside out in the wind. Instead, I grab a blue slicker from my closet and take the ‘D’ train uptown.
Even sufficiently covered, I resemble a drowned rat in her hallway mirror. When Mom comes out of her office, I’m struck by how beautiful she is. Today she’s wearing an elegant black silk shirt, knee length skirt, and a long silver turquoise necklace. She always looks put together and projects this incredible air of self-confidence. Never has it been so obvious I’m adopted and share none of those finer genes.
Whatever the differences, she’s still my mom and I run to her with a big hug which she returns. This is the woman who took me in when I had no place else to go, paid my college tuition, and has been my rock ever since taking me in at fourteen.
She kisses my cheek then stares hard at my face. “I wondered when you were going to call. Do you want to go out for dinner or step into my office?”
She points behind her and I nod. It’d be good to have a little privacy. I feel like my emotions have been on full display all day.
“Tea?” A pod of chamomile is held up in front of her.
“Please.”
While she puts it into the machine, I take a deep breath. Where to even start? “Remember how I told you I was making a documentary?”
“Yes dear. I believe it’s been on CNN every hour on the hour. Hard to miss.” She raises her eyebrows and I feel bad for not calling sooner.
“I’m sorry. Everything happened so fast. I had no idea… Well, I kind of had an idea, I just never envisioned things turning out like they did.”
“Well, David is behind bars. That’s a good thing, right?” My mom is fishing without coming right out and asking why I look like shit.
“It is. In some way, I held onto hope she was still alive.”
“Unlikely.”
“You knew?”
“I suspected. So many of your nightmares had to do with the kitchen. I always thought some trauma had happened but it was buried deep. I figured when you were ready, your mind would let loose but only when you were strong enough. I’m so proud of you, dear.”
I fish into my purse and show her the wedding picture of Faith. “This was taken right before she died.”
“So pretty. I’m so sorry that happened to her… and to you.”
“I know, Mom. Thank you. For taking me in.” I stand, walk to her chair and take her in a warm hug.
She wipes her moist eyes at the corners with a tissue. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, dear.”
“You too.”
We hug again for the longest time before I sit back down and with a heavy sigh begin. “I met a man while I was there. He was the one who rescued the Iranian in the bar before I left. He insisted on coming with me to Utah. We were, ah… close.”
“Is he the reason you’re so sad?”
I nod and swallow hard. “We had a fight last night and he left this morning without saying goodbye.”
“Fights are pretty normal in a relationship, Blake.” Intelligent gray eyes search mine and her blond brows raise.
“I know but I’ve tried to call him and I’m getting the silent treatment.”
Her lips purse. “That’s not a good sign.”
“I know, really I do but he gave no signs of being so manipulative. He’s a marine, for God’s sake. I just don’t get this.”
She gives me a tight smile. “Well, give him some time. Cream always rises to the top.”
So does poo but I don’t say so. After our talk, I try to get back to normal and see my patients but in between sessions, I cry my damned eyes out.
Whatever the reason, Jack has given up on me.
