Chapter 13
Blakely
Jack hasn’t said one word to me since getting back to our safe house. He does, however, glare bullets in my direction and even Lucky and Suds give him a wide berth. Finally, I’ve had enough of his childish behavior when he drops a glass and starts cursing.
“What are you so angry about?” I grab a dustpan and broom while he disposes of the bigger pieces.
“I broke something, that’s all. Leave it.” He grabs the broom so hard, I almost topple.
“You’ve been pissed off since we got back. What’s wrong?” I can’t help but note how Lucky and Suds take the opportunity to slip out the front door, leaving me alone with the bear I poked.
Jack’s voice grows really quiet. “Do you know how close David’s bullet came to hitting your thick skull?”
I recall the thunk hitting the sand before Jack knocked me to the ground, get a bit dizzy, and sit in the nearest kitchen chair. “That was a bullet?”
“Fuck yeah. It grazed my cheek and might’ve killed your sorry ass had you been walking just an inch to my left. I fucking told you to stay put but you never do as I say.”
I bristle at the implication. “You mean I never obey?”
The shards in the dustpan clink when he empties them into the trash bin. “You can use any word you like. Try communicate, talk, or just plain listen. Choose one. But you won’t, will you? You always do what you goddamn please and fuck the consequences. If you’re going to be part of my life, sometimes you need to do as I ask.”
“I’m not your wife, you can’t talk to me like this.” Tears well, he may be right but he could be a lot nicer about it.
He squats and tries to take my hand. “Honey, because of you, for a moment, we were all exposed and one of us could easily have died.”
“I had every right to try to see what was going on. My sister was in there.” I know I sound churlish but I don’t like his tone. No one speaks to me like that.
He stands and hovers, seeming even taller than his six-foot-two. “Right. And I told you not to look in the freezer but you just had to and puked your guts out. Now, there’s another nightmare you’ll be having the rest of your life. The same goes for how you ignored me when I told you the FBI would take care of things or when you almost got yourself married off to some foreigner.”
Something about his tone and the way he looms turns me into a petulant five-year-old but I can’t seem to shut my mouth. Maybe it’s because I just learned I’ll never see my sister again or maybe because the mystery is solved and I know he’s going to leave.
“No one asked you to come to Utah. I was doing fine by myself.”
“To hell you were. You got some kind of suicidal tendencies and frankly, after almost getting shot, I’m wondering if I got a screw loose, too.” He storms out of the room, angrier than I’ve ever seen him.
I think the clouds have passed until he comes back for another round holding an unopened package of morning-after pills. “What the fuck is this, Blakely?”
“I thought you said you’d back any decision I made.” My stupid voice cracks.
“Don’t test me. I grew up without a dad and I won’t have any kid of mine in the same bind. If you’re pregnant, I’ll follow you wherever you go. You won’t get rid of me. Remember that.”
I want to reach my hand forward and tell him I’m so, so, sorry but maybe it’s better this way. He deserves a lot better than me. After years of therapy, I know I’m broken beyond repair. Because of David, I don’t trust men. Frankly, I’ve been afraid of them for years and as Jack stares at me with his fists clenched, maybe I still am, a little. I know he’d never hurt me, physically, just break my heart when he’s had enough of me.
“I’m sorry.” I mutter. “I never meant to put anyone in danger.”
His face softens. “It’s okay, hun. Listen. It’s been a long night and we’re both tired. Let’s try to get some sleep and we can talk more in the morning. Coming?” He opens the bedroom door.
The offering is a whole lot more than just sleep or even sex. He’s asking if I want to continue our relationship and right now, I’m not so sure. He just released a temper I’m not certain I can handle. To be honest, it’s more than just that, too. I can’t risk losing him and after what he just said, I know he’s going to leave me once we get back to New York.
Maybe it’s better I let him go before I get any more attached. What if I fall into a depression and can’t climb out? How many times have I seen it happen to strong, independent women? I think, of all people, we’re the most vulnerable. The hard shell we present to the world, when broken, reveals a soft, inner core. A vision of Humpty-Dumpty comes to mind and I think she just fell off the wall.
While I think, Jack just stands there with the door open, waiting for me to make up my mind.
Finally, I end it with, “I think I’ll sleep on the couch.”
