I press a hand to my sternum. I’ve never experienced this kind of…pain. The gunshot wound, the multiple broken ribs, the stab injuries… None of them compare. Words and images crashinside my head, tumbling over one another, until one really insanely ridiculous phrase wins out.
“You weren’t honest with me either.”
In the dangerous quiet that follows, I wonder if I should beg her to hit me with her other hand.
“At least I didn’t impersonate someone I’m not or fabricate a job just to get to your family member. I didn’t pretend to be attracted to you!”
The crack in her voice knifes open my already bleeding internal wound.
She can’t possibly believe that. “You must know that’s bullshit. I never once feigned my attraction to you. Truthfully, I’m falling?—”
“At least I didn’t drug you!” Hate- and hurt-fueled tears stream from her eyes. Flooding her beautiful face and dripping off her chin.
She slaps away the hand I lift to dry her cheeks.
Okay. I earned that rejection.
I just can’t imagine not touching this woman when she’s this close.
I’m being tortured by my own actions, past and present. By the mission before me and the repercussions I’ll suffer at the hands of Finn Gallagher for this colossal fuck-up.
And still, I ache to caress her face. Wipe her tears away. Swallow her pain with a kiss.
I don’t deserve love. I’m not worthy of the dark-haired beauty in front of me.
But I want her. She’s mine, as far as I’m concerned. Right now, my only job is to keep it that way. I’ll deal with Finn later. “Maeve, please, listen?—”
“To what? More lies? Brody’s men searched your room. They found the bottle in the trash. They have people, you know.They’re the mafia, Kellin. Just like you. But you already know all this. They performed a rapid-test. You roofied me.”
If I had a choice, I’d rather someone shoved a giant sword between my ribs than force me to hear the pain wrecking her voice and twisting her features. “You have to understand?—”
“It has flu-like aftereffects!” Maeve lunges at me, grabbing my shirt. She pins me against the back wall, her eyes still glistening with tears. “Did you rape me?”
Every last cell in my body freezes to ice. Agony plows through my chest. “What the hell? No!” Yanking free of her grip, I punch the wall, ramming my fist through the plaster. “Believe whatever else about me but know that I would never, ever do that to you or any other woman. I deserve your anger, but don’t ever accuse me of that shit again.”
I shake out my hand from the wall, actually relishing how the physical pain at least helps temporarily distract from other agonies.
Her wide eyes cling to my knuckles for a moment. “Right. I’m a willing participant. Why in the world would you drug me to rape me?” She starts to pace while thinking out loud. “That doesn’t make any sense. Especially after you saved me from the rapist in the stairwell.”
“I needed to search your room without you knowing. That was the safest option for us both.”
A fresh round of tears shimmer in Maeve’s eyes. “Don’t act like you did that for me.”
I hate myself so much.
“Please let me explain. You have to understand the position I’m in.” I risk curving my hands over hers, which returned to my shirt to once again clench two fistfuls of my bloody button-down.
She doesn’t inch away from me, just gapes at my hands covering hers while catching her breath.
This gives my system a second to catch up too.
“You stood up for me with my father.” Her voice is soft as she searches my face for the man she thought she knew. “No one’s ever done that before.”
“And I’d do it again. I meant every word.”
I yearn to kiss her. To beg for her forgiveness. I’d drop to my knees and plead right here, but I’m afraid she’d kick me in the face.
She rests her head on my hands. “For a minute, I thought…” She glances up at me again with steely eyes. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.”
