He pulls out the beer koozie shaped like a tiny motorcycle exhaust pipe and frowns. “What the fuck is this?” he growls.
Gremlin squints at it and grins. “Oh! I’ve seen one of those before. It’s a beer hugger. Keeps it cold longer. It’s just fancier than that ripped up one you’re used to.”
Bigfoot stares at it then shakes his head. “I hate how much I love this.”
The room loses it.
Gremlin draws out another name. “Shit, it’s my turn!” he exclaims with pride. “I can’t wait for this.” He grabs a rather large present from off the table and struggles to put it in front of him.
A few of the guys snicker, meaning whatever’s inside is good.
He opens up the box to find a giant blow-up doll. And when I mean giant, I mean a round in the middle, large as fuck blow-up doll that’s two times his size.
“Jesus,” he exclaims, smiling with delight. “It’s like you guys really get me.”
I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or actually happy, but the smile on his face is bigger than his whole damn face.
“Get it, Gremlin,” Bates shouts. “Put Big Bessie to use.”
“Oh, I will,” he says with a smile, though he’ll probably never touch it for real.
“Drac, it’s your turn next,” he announces.
I shift nervously. Drac was my Secret Santa recipient this year. He tears open the package, throwing the paper in the trash bag next to him until he pulls out the giant pink man thong for everyone to see.
Everyone fucking loses it.
Drac’s head swivels my way, eyes narrowing. “This was you, wasn’t it?” he growls, remembering that faithful night we promised we’d never talk about again. The same night he got drunk in Mexico and ended up wearing some bitch’s thong home because she stole his clothes.
“Guilty as charged, Brother. Don’t worry, this one has sequins.” He turns it around showing off the giant blinged out bat right on his banana hammock.
“I hate you for this, Krampus.”
Amber grins. “Can we put that to use tonight?”
“Absolutely not.”
But the way he smiles says otherwise. They’re definitely using it tonight.
“Let’s let the club Ol’ ladies open their gifts now,” Gremlin shouts handing Amber, Autumn, and then Mindy a gift. Mindy excitedly unwraps hers, probably because she thought she wouldn’t get anything, revealing the wooden spoons engraved with her shop’s name.
Amber winks at her. “Thought you could use those the next time Giovanni tries to help you make cookies, girl.”
Mindy flies across the room and hugs her tightly.
“I fudging love them, Amber. Thank you so much.”
Autumn opens her present next, laughing hysterically when she pulls out the crystal ball phone inside.
Gremlin grins. “Thought you could use it to talk to your ghost friends,” he says with a laugh. “Do you like it?”
She nods. “Gremlin, I freaking love it! Thank you.”
He beams with pride, watching as Amber tears into her gift, pulling out a thong that matches her husband’s.
Voorhees laughs loudly. “Now you two can match.” He slaps me a high five even though our Prez looks like he’s about to murder us both.
“We’ll use these tonight,” Amber says excitedly.
