A half snort, half belly laugh, belts out of me. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Are you two ready yet, or are we too busy playing with fucking rubbers?”
“It’s a thermal buffer!” Gremlin shouts in annoyance. “Not a goddamn condom. It stopped being a condom when I put it over my gun instead of my dick.”
Voorhees smacks his own face, running his hand down it in disbelief. “Who’d you steal it from? God knows you aren’t packing anything magnum in your pants.”
“It’s mine.”
“Yeah fucking right.”
“Will you two stop arguing, and get ready?” I yell, making Voorhees turn to look at me, but Gremlin’s too caught up in making his “silencer” to pay attention to me.
Gremlin struggles with his duct tape. “Almost done. There! Perfect!” He points the gun at my face and almost gets the shit kicked out of him.
“Put that shit away, Prospect, before you hurt someone!”
He frowns. “I know how to use a gun, VP. I’ve been practicing.”
“I still want to know who you stole that condom from?” Voorhees gripes. “I swear if you got in my condom drawer again, Gremlin, I’m gonna kick the shit out of you.”
Gremlin hops onto one of the couch cushions, putting some distance between him and Voorhees. “I tried, Voorhees, but itturns out I’d need a magnifying glass to see your stash, and left mine back in my room. I didn’t know condoms come in fun-size like Snickers bars.”
My hand goes around Voorhees’ chest before he kills the wise-cracking prospect, who seems pretty damn proud of his little jokes, not realizing that my best friend’s feral and ready to scratch out his eyes.
“I’m gonna kill him, Krampus. Let me go so I can lay his ass out.”
“He’s not worth it, Voor. Let it go. He’s just fucking with you.”
Gremlin laughs. “They say it’s always the angry ones who are compensating for something.” He makes a small penis gesture with his hands.
The second I feel Voorhees tense up, I let him go. “Fuck it! Have at him. Even I can’t protect him from that remark.”
Gremlin lets out a girlish scream and vaults off the couch just as Voorhees dive bombs him, missing him by an inch.
The little prospect might be small and scrappy, but he’s no match for Voorhees, who’s tackled him within seconds.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry!” Gremlin shrieks just as Voorhees pins him up against the wall. “I took it out of your drawer. Don’t hurt me though, I’m the one with the fancy gun now.” He puts the gun up against the wall, showing off his pathetic attempt at gunsmithing. “Even you can’t deny how beautiful this piece is, now that it’s rocking that Trojan protection.”
Voorhees shakes his head, holding back his laughter. “This motherfucker isn’t worth the punch.” Before he walks away, he knocks the gun from Gremlin’s hand, sending it clattering across the worn wooden floor. “Let’s go before I kill him.”
“Gear up, Gremlin. We’re riding out in fifteen.”
Voorhees immediately follows me, but Gremlin’s distracted by shiny things, and bends down to pick up his contraption.
“God damn it, Prospect! Leave the condom slinger here. We don’t need it,” I snap.
His bottom lip juts out in frustration. “You guys are no fun. The government would pay big money for this weapon. I should patent it.”
Vorhees scoffs, mocking him with laughter. “You wish, Prospect. Now come the fuck on, we got some recon to do.”
Fifteen minutes later, we’re rolling out of the compound, our bikes slicing through the cold night air as our engines rumble low, the road dimly lit beneath us by a half crescent moon. It’s the kind of night where trouble feels like it’s sitting on your shoulder, whispering nefarious things.
Silver Springs comes into view like it always does… bleak, quiet, and smelling faintly like rust and regret. On the outskirts of town is one of Moseley’s oversized warehouses, a large, black, ugly mass hidden behind the dark tree line.
We kill our engines a quarter of a mile out, rolling the bikes behind an abandoned storage unit. From there, we move on foot, staying low, using the brush to conceal us.
Voorhees takes point with me and Gremlin not far behind him. It’s a standard tactical formation, except Gremlin keeps humming theMission: Impossibletheme song under his breath like a jackass.
“Gremlin,” I whisper angrily.
