20
REBECCA
With my face now buried in my hands, wishing I were far away from this office, I begin to cry. How could I let this lie go on for so long? How could I betray his trust?
I had so many opportunities to tell him, and I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Now, I’m backed into a corner with nowhere to run.
“What the hell was he talking about, Becca?” Steven asks with a broad tone.
With tears still streaming down my face, I look up at him as he now leans against his desk, his hands pressed flat on the surface. “Damian is yours…” I blurt out. “You’re his father. There was no one else. You were the only one I’ve slept with in the past five years…”
He looks stunned, his eyes narrowing in on me as he slowly lowers himself into his chair with his mouth gaped open. It’s the exact look I imagined a million times when I would think about telling him the truth. It’s what I wanted to avoid.
“I-I was scared…And then there were the threats outside the ob-gyn’s office…” I begin, trying to explain my reasoning.
Steven’s brows furrow with confusion. “Wait, what do you mean by threats?”
“I was coming out of my appointment when I first found out about being pregnant. Your parents saw me and bombarded me. They told me that they knew we were sneaking around and that they thought it was harmless. They told me that you are going to do big things with your life, and me and this baby would ruin it for you. They said some other…things about my name tarnishing theirs.”
I couldn’t keep the truth in any longer. If they wanted to expose me, I’ll do the same to them. “So they threatened me, telling me to get rid of the ‘spawn’ or skip town and never come back. I know how powerful they are, Steven…And I couldn’t have our child in danger like that. So, I left. It wasn’t right, I know that. But I did what I thought was right at the time for me and my baby.”
His shocked face soon turns to fury, and I’m unsure whether it’s because of me, or them…or both. I wouldn’t blame him either way. What they did was terrible, but what I did is just as bad, if not worse.
“No one knows that you’re the father, except your parents…and now your brother. And I know I had so many chances to tell you, but I was so scared. It doesn’t make it right, but honestly, I’m glad it’s all out in the open now.”
I pray that revealing all of this to him doesn’t cause him to completely write me out of his life. He has every right to feelangry and hurt. I just want him to know that at the time, I felt like I had no other option.
As I stand, shaky-legged in front of his desk, I wait for him to say something, anything. Instead, he stays silent as he stands up, grabs his keys from his drawer, and walks out of the office toward the elevators.
I watch out the window that overlooks the parking lot and see him climbing into his car, speeding off far away from the building. I feel so alone now, similar to the way I felt driving away from Grand Rapids all those years ago, pregnant and scared.
Wiping my tears, I do everything I can to collect myself before finding Damian sitting in the break room. “Mommy, are you okay?” he asks sweetly, and all I can do is plaster a fake smile and nod.
I grab his tablet in one hand and take his hand in the other as we leave early for the day. There’s no sense in staying if my own boss took off without saying a word. It’s best for everyone if I just go home.
If I still have a job in the morning, I can explain my absence then.
I feel so lost, so empty. I have no one else to talk to about this. These are the times I wish I had real friends. Not just acquaintances. What I really need is my mother.
Walking into the empty house is a sad reminder that this disaster isn’t over. I’m going to have to tell my parents. I can’t just hide it anymore, now that everyone else knows.
I don’t look forward to the disappointing look I’m going to receive from my father. There’s nothing worse than knowing that you’re the reason behind that look.
As Damian heads off to his room, there’s a knock at the door, and simultaneously, my heart jumps and my stomach drops.What if that’s Steven…Can I really handle him yelling at me right now?
With a deep breath, I open it to find my grandmother. With relief rushing through my body, I nearly collapse as the tears flow out of my eyes. She steps forward, seemingly confused, and allows me to bury my face on her shoulder as I sob.
“My little Mert,” she coos softly as she strokes my hair. She’s called me Mert since I can remember. I never fought her on it, although I have no idea where it came from. “Tell me what happened.”
She brings me over to the couch and puts her arm around me, keeping me calm.
“Grandma, I screwed up big time,” I reply as she wipes my face with a tissue. “I lied to everyone. I may have ruined a life…I don’t know what to do.”
As I lay it all out for her, I expect her to be as shocked as Steven was when he found out, but instead, she smiles knowingly as she holds my hand. Getting it all off my chest to someone who’s not Steven already makes me feel lighter.
“Mert,” Grandma speaks up as I go quiet. “I already knew.”
“What?” I can’t imagine how she gathered the information if no one knew except me and his parents before today. “But…How?”
