When she made it back to their shared bedroom she knocked softly on the door.
“You can come in, Honey,” Anna called out.
Brooke took a steadying breath and opened the door. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Anna propped up against the headboard, half tucked under the covers, reading the book Brooke had gotten for her. Brooke felt incredibly self conscious that her hair was still wrapped up in a towel, but she didn’t want to get her pillow all wet, or worse, somehow manage to get Anna wet. Anna just smiled warmly at her. She didn’t appear to be feeling any of the tension that Brooke was about their car ride or her embarrassing confession that she had been the reason that she and her friends had gone to Anna’s restaurant that first time.
Brooke moved quickly to her side of their shared bed and slipped under the covers. The queen sized bed was not large at all. Her leg bumped into Anna’s.“Sorry,” she mumbled.
Anna dropped what appeared to be a sticky note into her book as a bookmark and shut it easily.“It’s okay, B.”
Brooke sighed and wiggled a bit under the covers, trying desperately to get comfortable next to Anna.
“Brooke?” Anna asked, gently.
“Hmm?” Brooke hummed, afraid to look up at Anna.
“How are you holding up?”
Brooke swallowed back her emotions.“About as well as a sand castle at high tide.” Brooke didn’t add that Anna was probably the cause of more than half of it. That was an unfair assessment. The way that Brooke had clung to Anna’s hand earlier said as much. But it was her feelings for Anna that were threatening to send Brooke into an actual emotional spiral. She could never have done this alone. Correction, shewouldnot have done this alone, but it was all too clear to her that the very woman holding her together was also the one unraveling her from the frayed edges of her very worn seams.
Anna reached out and ran a comforting arm down Brooke's side.“You said earlier that you don’t sleep well with others.”
Brooke let a little surprised breath out, sharp, and pointed through her nose.“Yeah.” She didn’t argue, there was no point. It was true. She dared a glance at Anna now and was surprised to see a fond smile splayed easily across Anna’s face.“What?” she whispered.
“Do you always sleep with your hair up in a towel?” Anna asked, running her pointer finger up the fabric.
Brooke shook her head.“No, but I never get in bed with wet hair.”
“You having wet hair doesn’t bother me.”
Brooke frowned at that.“But a wet pillow would bother me.”
Anna let out a little laugh at that.“Are you actually comfortable like that?” She asked it like she knew the answer could only possibly be no and anything else would be a bold-face lie.
Brooke didn’t know how to say that not a single inch of her was comfortable, period. She just let out a little huff of air that brought on another little laugh from Anna.
“Honey-B, come on. Give me your towel.” Anna held her hand out, waiting.
Brooke did as was instructed. There didn’t feel like any point in arguing and she was too exhausted to try, anyways. Anna stood and draped the towel over the arm of the wingback chair and returned to her spot in their bed.
“How do you normally sleep?” She asked, her voice was soft and curious.
“On my side,” Brooke replied.
“Okay,” Anna watched her expectantly.
Brooke let out another huff, but rolled, turning on her side to face away from Anna. She got situated so that her cheek wouldn’t touch anywhere on the pillow case that might even be the slightest bit wet.
“Why don’t you sleep well with others, Honey?” Anna asked, so quietly Brooke wasn’t sure she was actually meant to hear the question.
She hummed, thinking about it. There were probably a lot of reasons: being a light sleeper, being somehow self-conscious even while unconscious that she might snore or say something in her sleep, and more troubling still, and likely the root of her issue—as her therapist would say—trauma stemming from a sleepover. Brooke closed her eyes tightly and debated telling Anna the truth. They were tip-toeing such a fine line between friendship and something more and they were doing it without ever talking about it. It was as if acknowledging it would crumble the very loose foundation they were building.
She decided that the full truth in this case, not an abbreviated version of it, would be best. Whether they ended up as just friends, or something more, or nothing at all, letting her truth out would probably be cathartic.“When I was sixteen, I was having a sleepover with my best friend, Holly.”
She felt Anna settle deeper into the bed and roll to face her.
Brooke swallowed.“I had a crush on her.” She let out a shaky breath.“She knew it. She wasn’t mean about it, but she was aware of it. We had sleepovers on most weekends.” Brooke paused, remembering.“We’d always had sleepovers, ever since we were little kids, but there was something about having feelings for her and her knowing it that completely ruined my ability to sleep at them. Then one night, long after we had climbed into bed, she asked if I was asleep. I said no. She kissed me.”
Anna shuffled a little closer in the bed. So close that Brooke could almost feel her body, but she knew they weren’t actually making contact. It was just Anna’s gravitational pull.
