CHAPTER 1
Need help leveling up your intergalactic flirting game? Looking to date fabulous females, and feminine-presenting beings, across the universe but don’t know where to start? We’ve got you covered! This helpful and practical guide will give you all the pointers you need to woo any woman you meet from the Centarius Star System to the Nyzonian Nebula and beyond.
—Introduction,How to Flirt Among the Stars: An Intergalactic (and Interspecies) Sapphic Dating Guide
Four weeks until Christmas…
Gemma
When would it be socially acceptable for me to flee this date without offending my companion?
“I’m all about the Whole30 program right now. It’s, like, a total nutritional reset. We put so much garbage intoour bodies these days. Sometimes you gotta purge all that crap from your system, you know?”
I startle out of my momentary mental escape plans and force a pained smile. “Um, not really. I don’t go in for fad diets. They do a lot more harm than good, and the data backs that up.”
Shelby, my one-and-done date for tonight, gapes at me. “Cutting out sugar, dairy, and grains would do wonders for you!”
She’s clearly deciding to ignore my comments. Sigh.
“I think everyone should do what works best for them and makes them happy. If it can contribute to their health, all the better. As for me, eliminating grains would be especially harmful since I’m a vegetarian. Those are kind of critical to maintaining a healthy balance in my diet,” I explain gently.
Shelby stabs a piece of grilled chicken in her salad with the vinaigrette on the side and no croutons, shoving it in her mouth. Swallowing her food, she asks, “Are you sure you’re getting enough protein?”
I inhale deeply and let my breath out slowly, trying to maintain my cool. “Like I told you when we matched online, I’m a medical doctor. Trust me to know how to take care of myself.”
“If you say so,” Shelby concedes, her tone dubious.
I valiantly try once more. “Do you like to travel? There are so many places I want to visit, but my schedule hasn’t made that possible. I’m thinking about taking a little sabbatical or an extended vacation in the near future so I can travel the world.”
Hell, I’ve even considered doing a stint in New Zealand. They’re eager for medical professionals at the moment, and it seems beautiful there.
Shelby stares at me blankly. “Why waste that kind of money when you can get a taste of Europe right here in Vegas? You ever ridden in those gondolas over at The Venetian? Did that, now I don’t need to go to Venice.”
I try not to grimace. If only one of those UFOs Felix is obsessed with would show up right about now and use its tractor beam to take me away from this disaster of a first date.
When we’ve finished our meals, our server stops by to ask if we want any dessert. In almost any other situation, I’d be so inclined. Right now, I am more than willing to forgo sweet temptation if it means I can make my escape all that much faster.
“God, no,” Shelby tells our server, aghast.
I smile at the poor teenage server. “Not tonight, but thank you.”
She scurries off and I’m left alone with Shelby.
“Have you ever tried intermittent fasting? It’s changed my life.” She rubs her toned abs.
When we matched online, I was initially excited. She has the kind of sporty, athletic physique I admire and visually eye-catching platinum blond hair cut in a short, messy bob with a sexy undercut. Our initial string of messages hadn’t exactly been the stuff of romance novels let alone all that mentally stimulating, but I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, maybe she was better talking face-to-face?
Wrong. Totally wrong.
As fast as I can without appearing rude, I pay for my meal—we decided to have separate checks—and try my best not to run outside. Shelby follows me to my car.
Thank fuck we drove separately.
“I had a nice time, and it was good to have the chance to meet in person,” I say.That’s a big, fat lie. “But I don’t see this going any farther. The spark isn’t there, you know? I don’t think we have enough in common.”
Okay, that was about as gentle as I can be in delivering a rejection, but I don’t want to lead her on. Our initial meagerconnection online fizzled and died a quick death on this first, and last, date.
Crossing her arms, Shelby gives me a tight smile. “Same. Lifestyle is really important to me. My body is my temple.” She eyes me up and down. “But you don’t seem to think the same way.”
