Nally looked sick. “You don’t have a stalker following you all the time.”
“Oh, God,” Jude said, leaning back from his black currant crumble.
He hadn’t even thought about Quentin. It was bad enough to be wrapped tight about one thing, his and Nally’s relationship, but trying to navigate that with a stalker on the loose was too much.
“Okay, here’s what we’ll do,” he said, sitting forward again. “It would be an insult to the chefs and the gods of dessert if we left these visions uneaten. Let’s eat them quickly, then we’ll leave and go somewhere on the other side of London. The Tate Modern is apparently trying out an ‘open ’til midnight’ thing tonight.”
“That should work,” Nally said with a nod.
They started in on their desserts, but between the full meal Jude had just eaten, the lingering feeling that everything was wrong between him and Nally, and the idea that Quentin might jump out of the shadows to cause trouble at any second, he could only manage a few bites.
They ended up having the desserts wrapped to take away, then heading out into the cool night. Since it wasn’t convenient to carry around bags of desserts, they gave them to a startled group of tourists, then darted for the nearest Tube station.
A few, quick transfers later, and they found themselves climbing the steps of the Tate Modern.
“This is perfect,” Nally said, gazing up at the wild, expressive art that greeted them as they walked through the lobby. “I’ve always thought that going to a museum on a first date was the way to go.”
“Absolutely,” Jude said. “It’s so sophisticated and highbrow.” He paused, then went on with, “We can make fun of the art together.”
Nally snorted a laugh and leaned into Jude for a moment, but exactly the same as had already happened too many times that night, the handful of minutes that they felt normal together fell all too quickly into a funk of awkwardness.
They walked through a few of the galleries, staring at abstract art, a lot of it blindingly famous, feeling nothing. At least, Jude didn’t feel anything in the face of artistic majesty. He held Nally’s hand, but as the two of them moved stiffly on together, saying nothing, a new emotion started to roll over Jude. Grief.
He did his best to ignore it. Nothing was wrong. He and Nally were acting out of character. If they weren’t trying so hard to be romantic, they’d be having a laugh right now.
“This is supposed to be easy,” Nally whispered as they stood in front of a glorious Picasso. “We love each other.”
“It’s not us,” Jude insisted. “We’re trying to force things.”
“We shouldn’t have to force things,” Nally said, turning to Jude with desperation in his eyes.
Jude took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to lose Nally. He refused to lose the most important person in his life.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said. “Let’s just go for a walk and clear our heads.”
“Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea,” Nally agreed.
It was a brilliant idea in theory, but as they walked back over Blackfriars Bridge hand in hand, arms pressed together, Judefelt like the bridge would give way and dump them into the Thames at any second.
“The thing is,” Nally said suddenly as they paused halfway along the bridge, turning to Jude, “I’m not sure we really thought this through.”
Jude’s heart caught in his throat. “I think we’ve thought this through far too much,” he countered Nally, eyes wide.
“Everything was fine just how it was,” Nally insisted, fidgeting and breathless. “My life, my career, my distinct lack of stalkers.”
Jude laughed briefly at that. He grabbed both of Nally’s hands. “We can’t stay kids forever, though God knows we’ve tried. I would have moved out of my parents’ place on my own years ago, but I didn’t want to lose my excuse to spend all my time at Hawthorne House with you.”
Nally’s eyes went wider still. “You can’t really mean that.”
Jude sighed. “I absolutely do. And now you’re about to fly off on this amazing, high-profile career. You won’t need me to run your socials and pretend to be your agent when real agents come knocking at your door.”
“Wait, what are you saying?” Nally asked with sudden panic. “Are you saying you don’t want to be my agent anymore?”
“God, no!” Jude said. “I’m saying that there are people out there who can do the job better than me, because we’re not just kids pretending anymore. We’re grown-ups now, Nally. That means things change. Our careers change, our living situations change?—”
“We can’t change,” Nally interrupted him, throwing his arms around Jude and clinging to him like he’d threatened to jump off the bridge. A few other pedestrians side-eyed them like they were thinking of jumping. “Nothing can ever change so much that it will stand between us,” Nally went on, misery in his voice. “Not even us.”
Jude clasped him tightly, never wanting to let go. “I’m not saying it will,” he said. “I’m just saying….” He had no idea what he was saying.
