THIRTEEN
It wasn’t good.Nally’s attempt to have sex with Jude so they could get everything out in the open and deal with it was definitely not good.
Although that wasn’t entirely true. It actually had been fun, not to mention a relief, to jack off with Jude, sharing the same fantasy. His memories of that particular porn clip had immediately shifted to him and Jude, but he had achieved a better than average orgasm from the little game.
Maybe things weren’t so bad after all? He couldn’t decide. All he could do was force the whole thing out of his mind as he and Jude explored the island, climbing over the craggy rocks at the far end, where there were an abundance of bird’s nests and interesting caves.
“Maybe we’ll find a hot selkie in here or something who can be a top for both of us,” Jude joked, his voice echoing through the wet rocks of one of the caves.
“Well, itisScotland,” Nally said, climbing up to examine what he momentarily thought was some sort of glittering stone high on the wall, only to discover it was just damp. “Anything can happen.”
“Anything can happen,” Jude repeated, leaping from one stone to the next.
“Fuck, Jude, be careful,” Nally said, climbing down from the stone he’d mounted. He wanted to add “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” but his feelings from their earlier activities were still too raw.
Jude must have felt something, too. Despite being twice as adventurous as Nally, he climbed down to join Nally in the tidal pools without so much as an argument or without doing something to show off.
They headed back to the house and had lunch, which was equally as terrible as the other meals they’d prepared so far.
“There has to be a secret to cooking in a place like this that we can figure out,” Jude said with a sigh after they scraped the remnants of their plates of canned stew onto the grass just outside the cottage’s door.
“The secret is actually cooking,” Nally said with a smirk, leaning against the doorframe instead of heading straight back into the house to wash his bowl. “Not buying things in cans and trying to heat them up.”
Jude hummed. “Mum has been saying for years that I need to learn to cook. She says the ability to cook separates the refined from the savage.”
Nally’s brow shot up. “Your mum said that? The mum who grew up with a servant in the house?”
Jude laughed. “She was the daughter of the former cook from back when people like us had loads of servants. And Grandmama paid her very well.”
Nally huffed a laugh and shook his head. He and Jude came from families that belonged in an entirely different era. They had enough remnant of a different age that neither of them truly fit into modern society. But then, that was what had always drawn them together. It was why they’d become such fast friends andwhy Nally felt like he knew Jude’s soul as well as he knew his own.
His slightly sarcastic smile melted into something far more raw as he studied Jude instead of the landscape. They belonged together. Nally was certain of it. But how were they supposed to be a couple without sex? He wasn’t so posh that he could just brush off sex as unimportant. Ever since he discovered that his willy was for more than just peeing, he’d loved sex and he didn’t think he could just give it up, no matter how much he adored Jude. He was certain Jude felt the same way.
“It was just one attempt,” Jude said, as if he could read Nally’s thoughts.
“Yeah, I know,” Nally said with a shrug.
He couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he headed back into the cottage to wash his bowl. Jude joined him at the wash basin, but neither of them said anything. The feelings they shared were too raw and unsettling. The question of whether they’d realized their worst fear hung as heavily as the cold humidity of Scotland between them.
“I think I’m going to do some work, if you don’t mind,” Nally said once they’d taken far too long to wash up from lunch and tidy the cottage a bit. “This is a brilliant setting for inspiration, and I think I have some music in my head that needs to be written down.”
“Of course, of course,” Jude said, jumpy and distant, without looking directly at Nally. “I think I might do a little more exploring myself. I’ll take my phone out and use whatever charge I have left to make a few videos.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” Nally said, forcing himself to smile. “I bet your fans would like that.”
“Yeah, I bet they will.”
They stood there staring at each other for a few more seconds, a thousand unsaid things hanging between them. Nallywanted to pull Jude into his arms and slam his mouth over his to kiss him like they’d kissed at the beginning of their botched sex attempt. The kissing part had been awesome.
“Well, okay, then,” he said instead, turning away and heading to where he’d left the small suitcase containing his computer and composition things.
“I won’t wander too far in case you need me,” Jude said as he crossed to a rustic shelving unit to grab his phone from where he’d left it when they’d arrived the day before. “Ooh! Brilliant! I still have charge.”
Nally stopped himself from pointing out that Jude could charge his phone a bit more because of the generator, or from asking if Jude wanted to take a snack with him, or maybe not go at all, but go back to bed and cuddle with him instead. He kept all those things inside as Jude made a hasty retreat from the cottage, then dropped his shoulders and puffed out a heavy breath once he was gone.
“This was a mistake,” he murmured to himself as he lifted his suitcase onto the couch and opened it to retrieve his things. “It’s going to be Timothy all over again.”
Except the two of them had been a unit for far longer than they’d been a threesome with Tim. And neither of them had the same volatile personality Tim had had. He and Jude actually loved each other instead of just being an exciting fascination at uni.
