“It’ll be fine,” he whispered to himself. “We’re strong. We’re stronger together. This will bring us closer instead of pushing us apart.”
If only he believed it.
TWELVE
Fuck,they were really doing this. Jude shivered from more than just the cold, damp air of the island as he prepped in the outhouse. He didn’t really have to clean out that much, since he really hadn’t eaten much in the last few days. He’d been far too nervous, and with good reason. Everything he’d longed for and feared had just smacked him in the face. He and Nally were going to have sex.
When he headed back into the cottage, Nally went out to use the outhouse. Jude used the leftover water they’d heated for tea, which was still marginally warm, to take a bath using just a washcloth and an old cake of soap. He would have preferred a full, long shower and some fruity bath gel, but they were out in the middle of nowhere, so he had to take what he could get.
Still, it felt ridiculous and embarrassing to stand next to an ancient woodburning stove, scrubbing his privates with a wet, soapy rag, then worrying that he’d left too much soap behind and that Nally would taste it. The process left him completely limp instead of excited, like he should have been.
He should have been excited, right? Not terrified, not embarrassed. He loved Nally. He was falling in love with Nally.That’s what this whole thing was about, really. Quentin was a real and dangerous excuse, but an excuse all the same. The true purpose of stranding themselves on an island in the middle of nowhere was exactly what they were doing now.
“You can do this,” he whispered to himself as he headed into the bedroom, feeling ridiculous, not to mention cold, for walking around the cottage naked.
It was clear that Nally had prepped the bedroom while Jude had been in the outhouse. The bed was neat and tidy with the covers turned down, and the lube and condoms sat on the bedside table like a neon sign of how bad an idea this whole thing was. Jude slipped into bed to wait, but too much time ticked by and he felt awkward.
He got out of bed, fluffed the covers, then did his best to smooth out some of the lumps in the mattress. It was an incredibly ancient thing, more like a big bag of straw and horsehair, supported by a rope lattice across the irregular frame, and definitely in keeping with his nutty family’s determination to make the island as rustic as possible. Although he was fairly certain his dad had restuffed it with actual cotton bed stuffing a few years before. God only knew what sort of things had happened in that bed over the years. His mum and dad could have?—
No, he wasn’t going to go there.
He'd just straightened from checking the ropes when he heard Nally reenter the cottage. Suddenly panicked, Jude snapped straight and turned to face the door, like he was waiting for the bogeyman.
“Hey,” Nally said, the single word coming out strangled and breathless as he marched into the doorway. He still wore his pajama bottoms, t-shirt, and coat, which made Jude feel even more like a fool, standing there with his soft dick just hangingout. Nally’s eyes swept straight down his body to said dick, but the shy thing only gave a little bit of a twitch in response.
“Hi,” Jude said, raising a hand to wave, although what he really wanted to do was cover his cock and balls with both hands like he was in some nightmare where he was suddenly naked in front of an entire church.
An interminable pause filled the space between them before Nally flinched like someone had fired a cannon and said, “Shit. I should get naked, too.”
“Yeah, you should,” Jude said, trying to be funny but sounding like an idiot.
Nally scrambled to throw off his jacket, then to pull his shirt off over his head. Jude inched forward, like he should help, then scooted back half a second later. He could only stand there lamely as Nally bent over to pull off his shoes then shucked his pajamas.
And then they stood there, like two mute teenagers seeing a naked man live and in person for the first time. It wasn’t even the first time they’d seen each other naked, but it felt like Jude might explode with awkwardness. At least Nally was hot. He looked amazing naked. Only Fans would love him. He’d make a fortune posing and preening and playing with himself for the webcams.
Jude sucked in a breath as his cock twitched in earnest. “Maybe we should get in bed?” he suggested, his words falling out of him like a pair of old sneakers tumbling down the stairs.
“Yeah, that’s generally how this works,” Nally said with a nervous laugh.
They stood there for a few more seconds before both moving for the bed at the same time. Their shoulders smashed together, but not in the good way. They both mumbled apologies like the true British aristocrats they were and turned into a massof flailing arms and legs as they clumsily fell into a horizontal position.
Things were better once they were lying down with the heavy quilts on top of them. They’d snuggled and slept together so many times that their bodies slipped together naturally, even if their minds still had no idea what they were doing. They scissored their legs together, and after a few fumbling, false starts, they managed to press their mouths together without knocking noses.
Once they started kissing, the pace picked up and Jude started to relax into what they were doing. “See?” he asked between light, teasing kisses. “This is nice. We can do this.”
“It is nice,” Nally said, smiling in the dim, grey light.
Their kissing turned more confident as the bed warmed up, Jude risked letting his hands wander and actually liked the warm flesh and solid contours he encountered. He’d always liked Nally’s body, and hadn’t he been saying secretly to himself for ages that he wanted to explore more of it?
Nally’s hands wandered, too. Their kissing continued, and Nally slipped one hand down to toy with one of Jude’s nipples.
“I like that,” Jude whispered as he came up for breath. “You can even pinch, if you like.”
“Can I?” Nally seemed surprised. Had they never talked about what they liked in bed before?
Actually, no. Come to think of it, they never had.
“I like it a little rough sometimes,” Jude confessed. It was just a few words, but it felt like he was peeling back a layer of his soul and showing it to his friend for the first time.
