A moment later, she said, “I put all the booze in your bedroom.” I remembered that Laura was in recovery, and I had forgotten how weird it might be for her to be around my fancy cocktail cart.
“Sorry. I forgot it was out.”
“You had the full set.”
She wasn’t wrong; she would have found whiskey, vodka, rum, tequila, and gin on the credenza.
“Well, you don’t come over much.” It was true. I almost always went to Laura’s house. I would pick up Hannah at school and then we’d go to Laura’s and stay there until she got home from work. Laura never went to my place. My life was supposed to revolve around hers, and now she was annoyed that my apartment wasn’t set up the way she wanted it.
She shrugged and said nothing.
It bothered me a little that she was implying something about my lifestyle, about how much I was like our mother, but I didn’t say anything. She was tired. We were both really tired.
Once Hannah was tuckedinto my pull-out sofa bed in the living room, Laura and I headed into my bedroom to have a real discussion.
“So Nick,” she said at last, perching herself on the end of my bed.
Of course that’s what we were going to talk about. Nick.
“I know you want me to say you were right about him,” she began.
“I don’t want you to say that.” It was true. The one thing I didn’t feel, right now, was any sense of gloating. “I know it was reasonable to try again with him.”
“The thing is, we may work it out. I just need my own life.”
“That’s fine, Laur.”
There was tension between us, but I wasn’t sure why. I hadn’t said anything, hadn’t teased her, hadn’t done anything I could think of to make her feel unwelcome.
“I don’t want you to think I’m going to live on your sofa bed forever.”
“I don’t. It’s fine. I’m not upset. I told you that you could have the bedroom if you want it. Both of you.”
“I didn’t want your bedroom.” I wondered if Laura’s pride was wounded. She was the older sister, but she was crashing on my sofa for the first time. It hit me that she and I both hated acting needy. She was insisting everything was fine, and I wasn’t even bringing up that I’d just left behind a man I was totally in love with.
We were fine. We were good. This was how we got through everything.
I wasn’t sure what to do with that knowledge. It seemed impossible to do anything but what we were used to.
“You should go to sleep,” I said.
“You look tired,” Laura said.
“Everyone is tired,” I said.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I’m okay. I’m not an alcoholic, Laur.”
“I know that. I’m sorry. I’m just annoyed that I still have to do that. And I had to explain what I was doing to Hannah, you know?”
“Yeah.” I hadn’t thought about it from that angle. I wondered how much Hannah knew about her mother’s relationship to alcohol.
“I’m glad you’re back from your trip,” she said as she rose from my bed. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too,” I replied.
Was I home? I wasn’t sure anymore. Why was I annoyed that she assumed everything in Newfoundland had just been a casual lark?
