“I know, Laur. It’s okay either way. Whatever you decide.”
“I just couldn’t upend my whole life for his version of how everything was supposed to work, you know?”
I was excited to see her again, but a sense of loss still hovered over me. This trip, which had been intended to change my life, seemed to have been a detour. Everything was about to go right back to the way it had always been: me watching Hannah, serving as the side character in Laura’s life rather than the main character of my own. But hadn’t I wanted exactly this to happen?
Lisetteand I met outside her apartment on Saturday morning and went for a walk in the drizzling rain to buy her some shower curtains for her basement.
“If you ever want to leave the country,” I said, “or if the awful ex-boyfriend is giving you are hard time, you have a place with me. You won’t even have to figure out a name change.”
“I may go see my family instead. You were right. I shouldn’t let my ex keep me out of Quebec. And my brother Cedric is back from Florida, so I want to go see him. He’s living at my brother Martin’s house right now.”
“You had a brother in Florida? I didn’t know this.”
“Yeah. I told you about him. They film in Orlando.”
“I thought—when you said wrestler…Lisette, are you telling me you have a brother in the World Wrestling Federation?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“Because you’re so tiny!”
“Well,” she shrugged. “Cedric is six foot six. I told you he could beat up Paul.” She pulled out a photo of a giant man in tights, growling toward the camera. “They call him the French Revolution.”
“This is the best thing I’ve ever seen. If you go see him, will you send me a picture of the two of you together?”
“I thought we’d established that we are sending each other all the pictures.”
When it was time to say goodbye, Lisette jumped up to give me one of her giant hugs.
“You’ll be back,” she said. “You don’t know it yet, but I know.”
“I hope so.”
“I have faith.”
“Well, you inspired me to be brave enough to try improv, so thank you for that,” I said.
“It’s a way to live,” she said. “Sometimes you just have to jump before you know the answer yet. That’s how I got away from Simon. I jumped.”
I gatheredPaul’s improv books and texted him on Saturday to say that I was coming by. Something about the formality of returning the books had a particular misery to it, mimicking the break-up of a long-term relationship that we’d never get to have.
It was still raining when I walked to his house, just like something out of a sad movie, and I climbed his steps hurriedly, trying to keep the books dry under my coat.
“You walked?” he said when he opened the door. “I could have come over.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said. “I’m trying to enjoy the city while I still can.”
“Come inside.”
His house was warm. The wood stove was going, and I wondered if that was just for me.
I desperately wanted to hug him, but instead I made myself busy stripping off my coat and putting the books down on a table. Paul stood beside me, looking like he wanted to help and then like he didn’t know what to do with his hands.
“Coffee?”
I nodded, once. I knew Paul preferred tea. He had done this for me as well. A small thing. I took a mug and wandered into the middle of the room, staring at his DVDs.
“I gave you so many books,” he said, looking at the pile I’d left behind me. “I guess I really am a schoolteacher.”
