“I don’t think so. I need to talk to her more. I’m sorry, Abby. This doesn’t…”
He trailed off. He leaned against the wall for a moment.
“I’ll go,” I said, quietly, rising. “It’s okay. You want to go talk to her more. It’s okay.”
“No, no,” he said. “Not right now. I can do that later.”
I remembered what he’d said about trying to be polite with girls in high school. That’s what he was doing now. He paced back and forth and then moved toward the kitchen.
“Tea? Coffee?” he said.
“Tea would be nice.”
Paul nodded. He looked toward the window, his mind elsewhere.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently.
“No. There’s nothing to say.”
I watched as he walked around the kitchen making the tea. This was a test. If we were friends, he would talk about it, but after what had just happened between us, he wasn’t sure how to find his footing again.
“I’m being quiet, aren’t I?” he said after a minute.
“Understandable. I can go. I actually just ordered a Lyft, and it will be here soon.”
“Are you sure? No. Abby. I can drive you.”
“I’m sure. I think you need a moment to yourself.”
He walked over, put his arms around me and squeezed once. “I’m just distracted. You deserve better than this.”
“Paul, it’s okay. Whatever is going on with us, I’m your friend, too.”
“I know.” He gently kissed me on the lips. An apology kiss. It was the first one I’d received from Paul, but I knew what apologies tasted like; I’d gotten enough of those. Then he walked to the door and grabbed his coat. He looked back. “I really like you, Abby.”
Oh,no.
“I like you, too,” I said flatly. He had been worried about his own heartbreak, but it would be mine that got smashed up, in the end. Today, tonight, tomorrow. Soon.
“Right, then…I need to—I’ll call you soon. I promise.” He smiled once more.
Promise? Oh, double no. He was promising to call? Soon? I’d be lucky if I ever heard from him again.
“Well, my Lyft is almost here, so…” I waved my cell phone. I hadn’t ordered a Lyft, but he wouldn’t know that.
He nodded once, then opened the door for me to go, and shut it slowly behind me.
At that moment, racing downhill through the gusts of wind among the sloping streets, it hit me again how much the city of St. John’s looked like parts of Brooklyn. At the moment, they felt like exactly the same place.
9
“A WELCOME DISTRACTION”
Never hadI missed my conversations with Laura more than I did right then. She would be able to talk me through this. She always did. She would tell me to ditch any guy who shut down a first date because his ex-wife showed up, and that was probably exactly what I needed to hear.
I texted her, trying for a sly approach that conceded everything and admitted nothing.Hey, I miss talking to you. can we just talk?I texted,I feel like we’re fighting, but I’m still here for you.
I didn’t say,I need you. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to say that to Laura, not when she might be having troubles with Nick, too. Her life could come first if we had a discussion; her problems would be the headliners. I was happy to slip mine in at the end of the conversation as a post-script.
