One thing at a time.
LIDIANE
It’s ironic that we have to prepare to infiltrate a castle where we were not even ten hours ago. True that if we can find information that will help us, it will be worth it, and yet why couldn’t Renel have told us about it before?
Still, I trust my glamour to get us in and out undetected. My capes can make someone unnoticeable, but they’re unfortunately left behind in the castle, and at this point it’s easier to create new ones, except that I won’t have time to do that now. We’d better leave soon, so all I’ll use is my normal magic—and it should suffice.
Azur went outside to avoid listening to our plans, getting more and more paranoid that the Witch King will find him, afraid of unwittingly betraying us.
I understand his fear.
To be fair, there’s a layer of panic that won’t leave my body or stop disturbing my thoughts, such a paralyzing panic that I keep shoving it aside. It’s unfair that I should meet my soulmate only to risk losing him in a few days, unfair to see his life and will slipping away from him as he waits for his end, when we never had any time to even get to know each other.
All I have were the few seconds when we stared down at the Jewel, when for the first time I felt that someone truly understood me.
While Marlak talks to his brother, I step outside to find my grumpy soulmate sitting on a rock, staring at the mountains surrounding us. The Endless Mountains. Is anything ever endless?
“Renel only shared the location of the books,” I say as I approach Azur cautiously. “And then we made a normal plan. No big secrets.”
He turns to me, his blue eyes reflecting the sky. “Still. Better this way.” He sounds as if his voice is struggling to come out of a closed throat.
I want to say something to cheer him up, perhaps cheer me up too, and I also want to sit, but there’s no rock or branch close to him. I say, “You know that once the Witch King dies, your ties to him will be broken, right? So there’s no need to despair.”
Azur looks down, frowning, then looks at the river, removes one of his gloves, and turns to me, showing his bare hand.
I flinch, unable to accept what I’m seeing, as the nymph’s words echo in my mind, now eerie and scary.
Pay attention to his hands. Once they’re completely white, he’s gone.
It’s not only the tips of his fingers that are white like milk, it’s the entire fingers, the white almost bleeding to his palm. If it keeps going like that, how long does he have? Two, three days at most? My entire body trembles, shook by my horrifying dread.
And yet I choose not to voice my fear. “We don’t know if the spread is constant. What if it slows down? The healer said one or two weeks.”
He stares at his hand and tilts his head. “Who knows?”
I sit cross-legged on a path of grass beside him. “There’s time. And we’re on the move. You can’t simply accept defeat.”
He blinks slowly, then focuses his eyes on me. “I don’t know how to feel. Don’t know what to do, or what I can even do that won’t put anyone in even more danger.”
I decide to let go of the words that had been constricting my chest. “I was furious when I read your note. How can you give your life away so easily? Why would you tell me that you were letting the Witch King kill you?Live a happy life without me. I’d love you until eternity. Why would you write that?”
He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care about you. As to the sacrifice, it wasn’t an easy decision, if it helps, but?—”
I get up, annoyed and so angry, wishing I could shake him long enough to bring some sense to his mind, but I can’t even touch him. “No buts. You think you want a sacrifice? You think it’s selfless? It’s not. You sacrifice yourself, then leave us all to deal with the outcome, to work out on our own. It’s selfish. Coward.”
He exhales sharply. “The alternative was to let the Witch King absorb my power.”
“No. The alternative was to find a way to escape and not let him use you.”
“I didn’t know there was a way.”
“Because you didn’t even allow the possibility to cross your mind, didn’t try to come up with a solution that didn’t involve your death.”
His chuckle is dry and bitter. “You have no idea what went through my mind.”
“You quit too easily, Azur. It’s clear there’s nothing binding you to this world.”
He narrows his eyes. “You judge too harshly. I told you I’d love you if I could, told you I’d court you, when I thought I was free. I can’t help the way things turned out.”
