“I’m not ready.” I don’t even know how I manage to say it, to voice these thoughts. “At all, and it was a foolish thing for me to try to defeat the Witch King. Foolish, foolish. I…”
My voice cracks, and yet I need to keep going, even if there’s no reasonable justification for my fear. “I can’t deal with fire. It just…” Breaks me from the inside, takes me back to the worst moment of my life. I close my eyes. I’m not there. It’s over. But it’s not over. “It’s embarrassing, I know. Ridiculous. Quite ridiculous. Childish, perhaps.” My body’s trembling as I struggle with my confession. “Ishoulduse my fire. I know I should. But it doesn’t make sense to promise to do it, then get there, and when it matters the most, fail.”
I swallow, wishing I could dig a hole and hide forever, the only thing tying me to reality being Astra’s hand in mine. She must be so disappointed. And I’m so ashamed.
She looks at me without a trace of reproach on her face. “It wasn’t your fault he didn’t die last time.”
I shake my head. “I know. Even if I had no issues with my fire, he would have survived because of the anchors. I know it, and still… Still I failed. My fire failed. I didn’t burn him. Crisine was there, and I’ve been telling myself that she distracted me. It’s true, sure, but there will always be some kind of distraction, won’t it? I won’t find the Witch King alone in an empty room, waiting for me. Maybe, yes, if he stays in the cell Queen Berta put him in, but what about the others?”
I feel so pathetic and ridiculous. So silly.
Astra then says, “What ifIused your fire?”
I knew she’d say that, and I hate her words, while at the same time, I know she has a point. I look at her. “The worst thing you can make me do is put you in danger, but… We’ll be in danger while the Witch King and his anchors are alive. It might be the right choice, but you’ll need to plan it right.”
“We will.”
Across from me, Azur says, “Now that I’m free, I could take her to where they are. I think the worst is reaching them. Once she’s in their presence, if she uses your fire, it should be fast.”
“I know,” I say, even if my heart hates this solution.
Astra smiles. “Then it’s all good. It’s all good.”
“Should we go in the morning?” Azur asks.
“No.” She shakes her head. “They’ll be expecting us. We need to go at night.”
I frown. “Ghouls and other creatures are active at night.”
Astra clicks her tongue. “Soon they’ll be active at any time of the day, and the Witch King is getting stronger and stronger. The more we wait, the worse it will be.”
“Yes,” Nelsin says. “But eat and rest. You just came from the Heart, where you used healing magic. I have no idea how borrowed magic works, but if fatigue is a thing, you want to avoid it. Lie down and rest, even if only for fifteen minutes, then you go. We brought nuts and dried fruit from the island. Eat.”
My heart jumps in my chest. The idea of letting Astra face these dangerous men right away is horrific. Somehow, I was thinking we’d have a few days, even if I can see their point.
“Azur, you’re going, then?” I ask.
“Yes, of course,” he says.
I’m not even sure why I’m relieved to hear his answer, and say, “I’m going too, and?—”
“With all due respect, no,” Azur interrupts me. “There are bloodpuppets after you, and Zorwal’s after you and has your magic traced. You’ll put her in danger if you go.”
His idea is ridiculous. “I could go and not use my magic.”
“Then what’s the point?” Azur asks.
“A million points,” I say.
Renel says, “Ziven should go—if he wants. He was the only one whose magic worked once the Witch King created a circle of magic.”
Ziven nods. “I can go.”
“Who else?” I ask.
Nelsin raises his hand, but Astra says. “That’s enough. The fewer, the better.”
“So the four of us, then,” I say.
