“I think I’d miss flying too.”
“Yes. So you’re right that I’m still the monster bird, in a way.”
“No. You can miss things even when they’re bad. Change is scary.”
She looks away, as if searching for something, her eyes so sad. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, where I’m going to go.”
Her confusion somehow tightens my heart, makes me worry for her, and I just want to cheer her up. “You have a brother who loves you. He’ll help you.”
“I don’t want everyone else to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. Does that help? I find it odd that you can see me from a distance, and I really hope you don’t catch me in an embarrassing moment, but I don’t hate you.”
“No. I only saw you when you were with more people, never… Nothing inappropriate. I think it’s because you saved my life.”
I chuckle. “You’d think that saving someone would give you a boon, not make you lose your privacy.”
It was a joke, but instead of laughing, any trace of a smile is gone from her face, and her lip trembles. “I… We can try to break it. That da-dagger, maybe.”
Now I feel bad for my joke, even if I don’t understand her sadness. “If you don’t want to break it, you don’t have to.”
The tears that had been brightening her eyes fall, and she sobs. “I felt less lonely.”
I pull her close to me. “Hush. It’s fine. I told you we can not belong together, and I mean it. And you can keep looking into my mind. Maybe I’ll remember that you’re looking and make sure I become an upstanding individual, even if I’m not that upstanding, definitely not heroic, and…”
“Is it true?” She asks, leaning on me.
“That I’m not upstanding? So true.”
“No. I mean that we can not belong together. Or are you saying it just so I feel better?”
“I want you to feel better, but not belonging is lonely. I can definitely have company there.”
“You have friends. At least Astra and Tarlia.”
“It’s only recently that I got to know them. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I’m getting to know you too.” For some reason, I kiss her forehead.
Mirella tenses in my arms and looks at me, her blue eyes entrancing and magical. I don’t know if I want to take back that kiss or kiss her again. I should break the hug, and yet my arms won’t move. My insides are dancing to a strange song, and I don’t even know who I am. For a second, I feel like an onlooker, peering at me from a distance, wondering what I’m about to do next. Something clicks inside me, opening a door I had never noticed before, leading to a place unknown.
She shudders. “Did you hear that?”
Her wave of panic hits me at once, and as my ears sharpen, I hear a ghastly sound, similar to a howl or a grunt, coming from the base of the hill. The base of the castle—where Tarlia and Renel are. I don’t want to look down, but I have to.
A cold, dread-filled shiver takes over my body.
LIDIANE
“Let’s see if she breathes!”
Laughter echoes in my ears. Muffled laughter, as I sink down, my body tied to a bag of rocks. I try to save the little air in my lungs until I can’t anymore, and then I need to breathe, a desperate need that overrides everything. I try to swim upward, but I can’t. My lungs burn, and when I accept I might die, a boy saves me.
One of the princes. Marlak, who became my friend after that.
The memory feels fresh, recent, even though it’s been years ago. It’s as if I’m reliving it, feeling like I’m suffocating, except that, this time, I’m in a cage under the sea. I could never have imagined that the Sea Court could come and find me so far from the shore, find me on an island protected by the Nymphs, and yet they did.
And even though I created illusions and more illusions, my attempts to distract them were useless.
I was caught, and now I’m reliving one of my worst memories, present and past mingling, except that I doubt Marlak will save me this time. As to Azur… There’s a hole where he should be, and I don’t even know why it’s in my heart, when we were never anything.
