Prologue
5 December 2034
Zloban (8 years old)
I hear her before I open my eyes. She’s hitting the bars on the window with her beak.
When I look up, the white dove is there again, sitting on the small window near the roof. She doesn’t come every day, but when she does, she makes sure I notice her. She tilts her head, watching me.
She looks so warm. I wonder if she also doesn’t feel the cold like me. I want to touch her, but I know I can’t. I can’t reach that high. I’m locked here, and she’s free.
She opens her wings and flies away, leaving me alone again. I look at the closed door of this small basement room where I’ve lived for as long as I can remember.
I’ve seen the world outside before, back when old Lina was here. She used to take me to the park when I was very small, but I still remember everything.
When Lina was here, I had food three times a day. She taught me how to read and write. She told me that bird is called a dove. There were days when she was good, and there were days when she was just like my mother, beating me for things I never did, like stealing her money. But now she’s gone.
I haven’t seen her since that night two years ago, the night she gave me dinner that smelled bad. I vomited on the bowl, and she beat me and forced me to eat it.
I look up again at the small piece of sky I can see from the window. It looks like it’s almost noon. They forgot my breakfast again.
After some more hours, the door opens and two women come in. They bring food. One of them is talking about some man who hit her last night. They don’t look at me. They never do. I listen because there’s nothing else to do. They talk about running away. I’ve heard the same thing before. They always say it, but they never leave. They can walk out through that door whenever they want, and still, they stay. That must mean they don’t really want to run away.
When they leave, the room feels bigger again. I move my arms and legs slowly. I feel every part of my body stretching in different directions. It makes me feel strange,like my bones are learning something new. I don’t have anything else to do here, so I learn about my body instead. I see all the changes happening to me, but sometimes I can’t stop them, like when I stopped feeling.
The sky outside the window turns orange and then dark. I hear footsteps and know it’s her.
She opens the door so fast it hits the wall. She’s shouting again in that language I don’t understand. Only she speaks it, but I know those words never mean anything good.
She comes closer, slaps me, pulls my ear, then takes off her belt.
“Only three men came the whole day! I’m living a life where I have to count coins, because of you!”
She hits me with her belt. It lands on my arm, but I don’t feel anything. Each hit makes a sound, but it’s like it’s happening to someone else. It’s been a long time since I felt pain. When I used to feel it, I used to beg her to stop. Now, I just stay silent.
“I was the princess of the Mikhailov family. I deserved to live like a queen, but because of you, I have to stay in this slum.”
She shouts those words right in my face, then pushes me onto the mattress. She holds the belt with both hands and hits me on my stomach.
“Because of you, bastard, my life is ruined!”
She kicks me hard. “What now? You want me to hit your face too?” She laughs. “How will I use you if your face doesn’t stay pretty?”
She grabs my arm, pulls me up, then pushes me down again, this time on my stomach, and starts hitting my back.
“You should never have been born.”
Then she leaves, locking the door behind her.
I stay where I fell. My head feels heavy, but my chest feels empty. I close my eyes. The cold wind comes in through the small window. It touches my face.
I wait for morning. Maybe the dove will come back.
chapter 1
29 May 2035
Zloban (9 years old)
