“Yeah, well, you made some promises to me, as well,” I whisper fiercely.
Zack takes my elbow. “Excuse us for a moment,” he says to the group.
I let him steer me across the room because I can’t see through the wet haze of tears clouding my eyes. Zack opens the door and I dash through it, then pause in the hallway and turn my back to him.
He closes the door and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Jessica.”
I whip around to face him. “How the hell could you let this happen?” I demand.
“Jessica—be reasonable. You knew when you married me that I’d been a donor. I had no way of knowing about any of this.”
“You should have thought things through before you jacked off into a jar.” Something caustic is boiling inside me. “Or maybe I should have thought things through before I married you.”
“Maybe so,” he says.
What? He’s agreeing I should have had second thoughts about marrying him?
He sighs. “Look, I know how hard this must be for you.”
“Do you? Do you really?” I jerk away from his touch. I point a shaking finger at the door we just exited. “That woman in there has your baby growing inside of her. The very thing I’ve tried and tried to do, the thing that I have the solerightto do, she’s doing without my knowledge or consent.”
“I know it’s not fair, but...”
“But what? What are you going to do about it?”
He looks at me as if I’m out of my mind, and maybe I am. No, I definitely am. I’m on the verge of hysteria, asking an unanswerable question.
Because there’s nothing he can do about it. He can’t shoot Quinn or demand she get an abortion. And there’s nothing I can do about it, either. Not a damn thing.
I heave out a hard breath. “I’m freaking out. I know I’m not being reasonable. I’m—I’m just... I’m devastated.”
“Jess...” He puts his hands on my shoulders again.
Once more, I step back. I can’t stand to have him touch me right now. “I’m having a hard time with this.” I rub my forehead, where a headache is building. “I’m going home.”
“I’ll be along in a bit.”
“Yeah, right—take care of your priorities first,” I say.Be there for the daughter you had by another woman and the woman you knocked up before you take care your wife.I manage to keep the words inside, but I’m sure the ugliness of my thoughts shows on my face.
I hate the way I’m feeling, hate the way I’m thinking, hate the person I am right now.
I start down the hallway, wanting to make it out of the building without seeing Lily again.
“Are you okay to drive?” Zack calls. “Maybe you should call an Uber.”
“Maybe you should keep your dick in your pants,” I say, although it makes no sense. I know he didn’t cheat on me, but it feels like he did.
I keep walking until I hit the stairwell. I duck in, race down four flights of stairs, and then go through the lobby to the parking garage. It takes me a moment to find my car. It seems like I parked it two days ago, so much has changed. I locate it on the second level and climb inside, then sit there, my heart hammering.
I need to talk. I pull out my phone, then face the dilemma of who I can call. I don’t have any girlfriends I’ve stayed close to since I married Zack; I’ve been completely caught up in the in vitro hell of trying to make a baby. There’s no way I can talk to my mother. I think about calling my sister, but she’ll flip out and go on a rant that will wend its way back toI can’t believe you didn’t tell me Zack was a sperm donor. I don’t need to be scolded about keeping private things private.
I call Brett.
“Hey there, Jess,” he says. He sounds glad to hear from me. “How are things going?”
“You won’t believe it when I tell you.”
“Try me.”
