“Oh, yeah?” She’s always been distraught whenever anyone close to her becomes pregnant.It’s like they stuck a knife in a bleeding wound, she once told me.As if they’re saying, “Na na na na boo boo, I can do what you can’t do.”
“That must have been difficult for you,” I say.
“It was when I first heard about it, but then Brett—he’s my Realtor—said pregnancy isn’t a competitive sport. And you know what? He’s right. He also pointed out that my brother’s baby has absolutely nothing to do with me, aside from being my new little niece or nephew. So I changed the way I think about it, and I’m happy for them.”
I don’t believe it; it’s too pat and simplistic. I suspect my wife is feeding me a line of bull. This disturbs me a lot; whether she actually is or whether I just think she is, it doesn’t speak well for the state of our marriage. “I wish I’d thought of that ‘competitive sport’ comment a couple of years ago and saved us both a world of pain,” I say drily.
She gives a little laugh. “Yeah. I think my hormones must finally be balancing out or something.”
“Well, great. That’s great.” I’m still not buying it. This is a pretty drastic transformation in three days’ time.
“Have you told Lily yet that you’re her father?” she asks.
“No.”
“Don’t you think you ought to?”
I’m more than a little confused by this. “I would have thought that’s the last thing you’d want.”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, I imagine you’re going to want to continue seeing her, so it seems like a natural next step.”
Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?“Legally, I’m a donor, not a father,” I say. “Besides, this is a bad time to pile on any more family confusion. And there’s another issue at stake here: I want to honor the wishes of her late mother. Brooke intended to adhere to the terms of the donor contract, which means Lily’s not supposed to find out the identity of her father until she’s eighteen.”
“Who said that? Quinn or Margaret?”
“Well, Quinn.”
“But Margaret’s still the legal guardian, right?”
I don’t like the tone of these questions. “I haven’t seen the will, but from what I understand, Quinn is primary guardian if Margaret is incapacitated. And Margaret is definitely incapacitated.”
“Don’t you think you ought to look at the will?”
I’ve thought of this, but I’m startled that Jess is bringing it up. “Why?”
She lifts her shoulders. “Just to know what it says about guardianship. You’re the child’s father, after all.”
“Legally, I’m the anonymous donor. Where are you going with this?”
Jessica folds her hands on the table. “You’re the next of kin. Maybe you could get guardianship, then I could adopt her and we could raise her in Seattle.”
I stare at Jessica. “You’ve been freaked out about me having a child ever since you started trying to get pregnant.”
“Zack, I’ve been thinking about it, and this might be the ideal solution for us. We’ll get Lily, and then we’ll have a child with a donor egg, and that child will be Lily’s half sister. We’ll be a complete family!”
Has she comeunhinged? I raise my hands. “Whoa. This whole issue—it’s not aboutus. This is aboutLily.”
“Well, sure, but it could work out in everyone’s best interests.”
“Not everyone’s. I don’t think it’s in Lily’s best interests, and it’s sure not in Quinn’s or Margaret’s.”
“Well, Quinn’s not a blood relation, and it sounds likeMargaret’s too old and frail to care for her.” She reaches across the table and puts both of her hands on top of mine. “This could be perfect for us. A whole new beginning—new jobs and a new home in a new state with a new family!”
I straighten my spine and pull my hands into my lap. “Jessica, you can’t blithely dismiss the two people who’re the center of Lily’s world.” My tone is terser than I intend, but I can’t believe how self-absorbed she sounds. “Lily loves them. They’re her family.”
“She’ll learn to love us. Sounds like she’s already halfway in love with you.”
I’ve already thought about trying to get guardianship of Lily. How could it not have entered my mind? For half a minute, I even allowed myself to fantasize about it, so I know how appealing the concept is. I also know it’s wrong.
