I’m a little nervous backing out of the driveway. Zack is watching me, and being watched makes me feel like I’m being judged.It’s a holdover from my childhood, when being noticed meant being criticized. I peer in the rearview mirror and turn my attention to the girls.
“What’s the first animal you want to see at the zoo?” I ask.
“The ele-funks!” Alicia says. “They’re my favorites.”
“Then the monkeys,” Lily says. “I love monkeys!
“What’s your favorite an’mal, Mr. Zack?” Lily asks.
“Hmm. It’s probably a tie between gorillas and bears,” he says.
“I know Auntie Quinn’s, ’cause it’s the same as my mommy’s. Giraffes!”
“That’s true,” I say.
“It’s ’cause they have long eyelashes like mine. Right?”
“Yes, baby girl,” I tell her. I smile at her friend in the rearview mirror, not wanting Alicia to feel left out. “And Alicia has beautiful giraffe eyes, too.”
The conversation is child-driven and animal-centric all the way up Magazine Street. Alicia is nearly as talkative as Lily by the time I pull into the parking lot. We all pile out.
“Please hold an adult’s hand until we get inside,” I tell them. Alicia grabs mine, and Lily takes Zack’s. I’m surprised by how easily she goes with him.
He pays for everyone’s tickets at the gate. The woman in the ticket booth smiles at him. “You have a beautiful family.”
“We’re not a family,” Alicia informs her.
“We could be,” Lily says. “We’re friends, an’ my mommy says friends are the family you choose.”
“Friends aren’t family,” Alicia insists.
“They can be.” Lily turns to me. “Right, Auntie Quinn?”
“There are different kinds of families,” I say, not wanting to have this particular conversation in front of Zack. “Who knows the way to the elephants?”
“I do! I do!” Lily and Alicia bounce up and down, then charge toward the entrance.
“Don’t run, and stay within eyesight,” I call.
They slow down, but it’s surprising how fast their little legs can move. Zack and I have to hustle to keep up.
At the elephant exhibit, they move to the front, joining a cluster of other children. Zack and I stand back and watch them.
“Lily’s amazing,” Zack says. “So smart and polite and enthusiastic!”
I feel a little burst of pride, although I don’t know why—I certainly can’t take any credit for her. “She’s a great kid. Brooke was a terrific mother.”
He folds his arms as he watches her. His forearms are muscular and dusted with light brown hair. “I can’t get over how young she is. I was just nineteen when I donated, so when I learned I had a child, I thought he or she would be older.”
“I didn’t know you’d been that young.” I stop myself from putting my hand over my stomach.Don’t think about being pregnant when you’re around him, I tell myself.And for the sake of everything holy, don’t think about how attractive he is!“What does your wife think about you meeting Lily?”
He shoves his hands in his pockets. “It’s a little complicated.”
He’s trying to sidestep the question. I don’t want to let him; I have deep stepmother issues, so if there’s a problem with his wife, I want to know about it. “You said she signed you up on the donor registry site,” I push.
“Yeah.” He rubs his jaw, glances at me, and then blows out a sigh. “The truth is, Jessica’s having a hard time with it.” He fixes his gaze on the elephants. “We’ve been going through fertility treatments for the last two years. As the treatments failed, she became kind of obsessed with whether or not I have any donor children.”
My stomach tightens. This can’t be good.
