He’s wearing a dark suit with a loosened tie and a big smile. “Sorry to interrupt,” he says. “I just wanted to bring you this.” He hands me a box.
I turn it to read the front label. “A fetal Doppler?”
He nods. “Like I told you the other night, I bought it when Jessica was pregnant. She was never far enough along to use it, so I never gave it to her; I just kept it hidden under some old tennis gear in the back of the closet.”
“Oh.”
“There’s no point in taking it to Seattle.” He lifts his shoulders. “Anyway, I want you to have it.”
“Oh,” I say again. I feel like an idiot with a limited vocabulary. “Well, um, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I step back. “Do you want to come in?”
“No, no. I don’t want to interrupt your dinner.”
“Come in and join us,” Lauren calls. “There’s plenty of pizza.”
He leans in and grins. “Looks good, but I’m on my way to pick up Jessica at the airport. I just stopped by to drop something off.”
“I appreciate it,” I tell him. “This is very considerate.”
“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waves again to the women, who are all twisted in their seats and openly gawking. “Have a great evening,” he calls, then turns and strolls off the porch.
I close the door and head back to the dining room.
“What did he bring you?” Lauren demands.
I turn the box and show the table.
“Oh, how thoughtful!” Annie exclaims.
“Yes,” I say. I put the box on the sideboard.
“Well?” Lauren looks at me expectantly.
“Well, what?”
“What was that all about?”
“He just came by to drop this off,” I say, sliding back into my chair at the table.
I don’t want to tell them about watching the DVD of the baby’s heartbeat with Zack. It was a moment I want to just tuck into my heart. It was too tender and intimate to share, like the details of lovemaking.
Not that I’m equating anything I’ve experienced with Zack to lovemaking, I sternly tell myself. I’m not. Not at all! But if I talk about it, it might sound like something is happening between us.
Which it’s not. It can’t. It won’t. He’s married.
I refuse to feel anything I’m not supposed to.
Control your thoughts and you control your feelings, all of the advice books say. Sometimes, I just want to stick my fingers in my ears and repeatLa la la la la lala—or maybe throw the books against the wall.
Because how are you supposed to control your feelings whenyou spend time with a smart, funny, kindhearted, good-looking, goose bump–inducing guy who is not only everything you ever wanted in a man, but also a loving father to the orphaned child you’re mothering—and the bio dad of the baby whose heart is beating right under your own?
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Zack
