“Yeah. It was just a stomach bug.” I hear his turn signal click on. “So how is everything out there?”
“Well, the weather is fantastic,” I say. I decide to lay it on thick so he’ll be less likely to suggest I give up my promotion. “I love being back in Seattle and near my family. I haven’t found the perfect house yet, but Brett has a condo we can lease and move into right away.”
He’s quiet for so long I wonder if the call has dropped. “Jessica, we need to talk.”
That has to rank as one of the most terrifying phrases in the English language. “So talk,” I say, sounding far braver than I feel.
“I mean in person. When are you coming home?”
He wants to discuss staying in New Orleans again. My blood turns to ice water. I think of what Brett said—that I need to consider it.
But how can I? How can I live with a man who’s spending all his emotional energy and every available moment with another woman and the family he has with her? “Maybe you should come here.”
“I can’t get away. I have client meetings all this week, and maybe the week after.”
“Yeah, well, I’m busy, too.”
“This is important, Jess.” He sounds as if he’s running out of patience. “You’re still officially working at the New Orleans hotel, so I know you’ll be back. Will you please just tell me when?”
I sigh. “I have a meeting there a week from Monday, then there’s a going-away party for me the following Tuesday afternoon.”
“So you’ll be home weekend after next?”
“Yeah. I’ll probably fly in that Sunday,” I hedge.
“Come earlier. I’d like for you to spend some time with Quinn and Lily, and maybe we could see a counselor. We need to figure out what to do.”
I have no intention of spending any time with your other littlefamily. I can barely stop myself from saying it aloud. “The only thing we need to figure out is whether I should arrange to have my car driven to Seattle, or if I should just sell it there and buy a new one here.”
“Jess, you’re not making this easy.”
And why should I?I think hotly. I pause and draw in a breath. Brett’s words float to the forefront of my mind:Married couples should help each other achieve their dreams, live according to their values, and become the best versions of themselves. They should make each other feel cherished and supported and trusted.
I haven’t done a good job at any of that, have I? A sense of shame suffuses me. Hell; I hate failing. Not only have I not been a good partner, I haven’t even been a very good person. I’ve been trying to cross items off my success list without giving much thought to why—without really considering what I had to contribute or how I could make the world a better place. And I sure haven’t given much thought to helping Zack do that.
I try to swallow, but it feels as if a Ping-Pong ball is wedged in my throat. “I’m sorry,” I make myself say. “I’ll—I’ll see if can make the Friday flight the weekend after next.” I hesitate, then force myself to take it further. “I’m okay with spending time with Lily and Quinn, but, Zack—don’t set up any counseling sessions.”
“Okay,” he says.
“Okay,” I echo. “Well, I should get back to my folks. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“All right. Bye.”
“Back at you,” I say.
For the first time since we started sayingI love you, we end a conversation without either one of us uttering the words. I stand there for a moment, the dead phone in my hand. It’s funny how something unsaid can be so loud.
I just saidback at youtogood-bye.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Quinn
Saturday, May 25
MAYBE I SHOULDN’Thave taken Zack up on his offer to accompany me to an estate sale, I think on Saturday morning.Lily and I are seeing way too much of him, and I don’t want Lily to become too accustomed to having him around. I hadn’t arranged care for Lily, though, because Terri was supposed to go with me. I figured, between the two of us, we could manage to keep an eye on a three-year-old and still find merchandise for the store.
What I hadn’t figured was that our new assistant manager would get sick on Friday afternoon, which meant that Terri would need to man the shop today. So when Zack called to see what Lily and I were doing that weekend, I told him about the estate sale dilemma.
