“Oh, Christ.” I roll my eyes. I really hate this kind of nonsense. “Are you talking about some sort of woo-woo everything-happens-for-a-reason thing?”
He laughs. “I wouldn’t put it that way, but yeah, I guess I am.”
“I don’t believe in that.”
“It doesn’t really matter. Facts are facts, and the facts are, most children benefit from having a father in their lives. So instead of fighting it, maybe you should just embrace it.”
“But I don’twantto embrace it.” I stare out the window. “They’re not really his children. They’re his sperm donations.”
“They were. They aren’t anymore.” He glances over at me. “You said Lily calls him Daddy.”
“Hell,” I mutter.
“Think it all the way through,” Brett urges. “If you insist that Zack moves here, he’ll go back to see the kids as often as he can. That’s going to leave you out of the loop, unless you go with him every single time. You said you two are pretty distant right now. That distance will just grow further and further if you don’t embrace this new part of his life.” He brakes to let a car merge in front of him.
“Wow. You could have sugarcoated that a little.”
He laughs. “I’m not good at sugarcoating. Sue Anne used to say I’m ‘harshly direct.’”
“You are.” I stare out the windshield. “Emphasis on ‘harsh.’”
“I just call ’em as I see ’em.” His eyes turn serious. “I had my future all lined out once, too, you know. I was going to be a big shot NFL player. Then I busted my knee, which completely bustedmy plans. I thought my life was over.” His jaw tightens. “In fact, I was ready to end it.”
I stare at him. “Really?”
He gives a curt nod. “Fortunately, a former teammate hauled me to a support group. They taught me how to recognize what’s really important. That’s the stuff you hold on to. The other stuff—well, sometimes you just have to jettison it. Let go of how you think things should be and accept what is. When you do that, you can start finding a way to be happy, no matter what your circumstances are.”
I blow out a sigh. “You’re saying I need to stay in New Orleans.”
“I’m saying you need to seriously consider what you want. Do you want to be with Zack? If so, that means you’re going to have to adapt to his new situation. Can you love and accept his kids? Can you support his involvement in their lives? If not, you need to level with him and tell him the truth.”
“And what’s that? That I want a divorce?”
He lifts his shoulders. “All I know is that marriage has to be all in. You can’t accept one part of a person and reject another part.” He brakes at a stoplight and looks at me. “I think marriage should be about two people wanting what’s best for the other. Couples should help each other achieve their dreams, live according to their values, and become the best versions of themselves. They should make each other feel accepted and supported and cherished and trusted, and help one another contribute their gifts to the world. If you reach a place where you can’t do that—where your values don’t line up anymore or you don’t accept or trust or support each other—well, then, maybe it’s not a marriage any longer.”
Or maybe it never was. The thought knocks the breath out of me.
I’ve always been focused on attaining my goals. I thought a successful life was all about hitting certain markers—get good grades, get a scholarship, get a degree, get a job, move up the ladder; look a certain way, meet a man who checks all the boxes, get engaged, plan the perfect wedding, buy a house, and have a child. My lifehas always been about achievements and kudos and following the script I’d created.
Hell. My life—and my marriage—has always been about me.
I never gave any real thought to helping Zack live according to his values or become the best version of himself or contribute his gifts to the world.
I lean back against the headrest. Oh, God! Everything Brett just said rings true, and none of it is what I want to hear. My whole world has just tilted on its axis.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“I talk too much. I probably should have kept my mouth shut.”
“No. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” I stare out the window as he brakes at a yellow caution light. If I were driving, I would have blown right through.
“And what are you thinking?”
“I just never imagined my life would look like this.”
“Me, neither.” His mouth curves up in a wry grin. “But then, whose life does?”
