“Not anymore.” I want to say,Do you realize what a burden it is, always trying to live up to that level of expectation?But I know that Erin will just say something like,So stop trying to be the golden child.
“I told you she’s always asking me, ‘Why can’t you be more like your sister?’” Erin says.
“Yeah, well, next time you can reply, ‘At least I didn’t marry a sperm donor who turned out to have a three-year-old orphaned child and another on the way.’”
“Can I use that?” Erin asks. “Because I think it might be effective.”
Now that the worst is over, I think about the reactions I’m likely to get from my other family members. “What about Dad? How do you think he’ll take it?”
“He’ll look up from his desk for a couple of moments, ask if you’re okay, then tell Mom not to worry.”
Our father, an aeronautics engineer with Boeing, is brilliant, but he’s a man of few words and even fewer expressions of emotion. Erin is probably right.
“What about your kids?” I ask. “How will you explain that Zack has a daughter we just discovered and a bun in another woman’s oven? They’re old enough to understand that this is really messed up.”
She shrugs. “They’re also young enough to be okay with just about anything.”
“Yeah.” My thoughts turn to my brother. “I’m not too worried about Doug.”
“Nah. He won’t care at all.” Erin narrows her eyes. “But who gave you a ride from the airport?”
“What?” I stand, walk to the dresser, and pick up my hairbrush.
“You heard me. Mom asked, and you totally lied.”
I should have known she’d pick up on that. A sister can always sense your weak spots. I consider saying Uber, but she’ll know it’s not the truth. “Brett gave me a lift.”
“Oh, really?” Her eyebrows rise.
I ignore the innuendo in her voice, look in the mirror, and run the brush through my hair. “He sent me computerized renovations of a house we looked at, and when I texted back that I was coming in on a late flight, he offered to pick me up.”
“Wow. That’s what I call service!”
“Yeah, well, I’ll be a double client if I buy a home and have him do the renovation.”
“I doubt that’s why you’re getting the red carpet treatment.” She crosses to the dresser, picks up my expensive face cream, and opens it. “Not that you ever get anything less.”
“Would you stop it, already?” The words come out a little harsher than I’d intended.
“Whoa!”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bark at you.”
Our eyes meet in the mirror. Hers are full of sympathy. “This is really hard on you, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. And there’s something more.” I blow out a hard breath. I need to talk to someone about this, and Erin is my only option. “Zack wants to stay in New Orleans.”
“What?”
“He asked me to think about staying there, so we’d be closer to his children.”
“Jiminy, Jess!” Her brows furrow. “What did you say?”
“Hell to the no.”
“Good for you!” She dabs some of my face cream under her eyes and looks at me in the mirror. “How serious was he?”
“I think he was just testing out the concept.” I hope. I hope to high heavens.
