And if she didn’t have an audience, all bets were off. I decide that’s TMI.
He blows out a soft whistle.
“She wasn’t all that bad,” I backtrack. “She just wasn’t cut out to be a parent. Maybe that’s the difference between having a child you want and a child you don’t.”
“Love isn’t always something you know you want in advance,” Zack says. He looks down at Lily, his eyes soft. “Sometimes it’s what you choose to open your heart to.”
His words seem to echo around the room. They bounce off the walls and ceiling, and ricochet dangerously in my mind. Goose bumps rise on my arms.
We sit there in silence for a moment. On the TV screen, Aladdin kisses Jasmine.It’s a sign!I think.
No, I immediately reprimand myself.It’s not a sign; it’s a Disney movie. And Zack is not a guy you can open your heart to. He’s married.
“You need to take care of that baby you’re carrying,” he says. “I’ll stay here with Lily. Go get some sleep.”
I don’t argue; I’m too fatigued to even pretend I’m not. Fatigue must be the reason I’m having these unnerving thoughts aboutZack, because I have no interest—none at all—in harboring even the slightest romantic feelings for a married man. I head to my bedroom, pull off my clothes, put on a T-shirt and yoga pants, and fall into bed.
—
I AWAKEN TOthe smell of coffee. When I roll over and look at my bedside clock, it’s five minutes after eight.
I wash my face, brush my teeth, and peek into the living room. Lily is still sacked out on the sofa. I head into the kitchen and find a shirtless Zack on a barstool at the island, looking at his phone.
I stop and gawk. My pre-coffee brain can’t process the sight of this half-naked man in my kitchen. He’s fit, with defined biceps, taut abs, and muscled pecs. He has just the right amount of chest hair that narrows to a happy trail that disappears into his jeans. My mouth goes dry.
He notices me staring and self-consciously runs a hand over his chest. “I, uh, wasn’t fast enough with the sick bowl around two this morning,” he says apologetically. “I threw my shirt in the washer. It’s in the dryer now.”
“Oh, good. Great. I’m glad.” I realize I’m not making a lot of sense. “I—I don’t mean I’m glad you took a hurl hit. I mean I’m glad you helped yourself. To using the washer. And the dryer. And that you found the detergent.” Jeez, why can’t I stop babbling? “How was Lily the rest of the night?”
“She drank some Pedialyte, kept it down, and conked out. She’s been asleep ever since.”
“Oh, thank heavens! The active-volcano stage is over.” I pour half a cup of coffee. My ob-gyn okayed a little caffeine, and I really need some this morning. Zack seems to have made himself right at home, I note, finding the filters and brewing a pot in my ancient drip coffee maker. I don’t mind at all. In fact, it’s really nice. “And thankyou. You were a godsend last night.”
“Glad I could help out. I hated seeing her so sick.”
“Me, too. It was scary.”
“Yeah.”
But something else scares me even more: how easily Lily took to him. She relied on him and trusted him as if he really were her father—a father she’d known all her life.
Just as scary is something I don’t want to admit, much less really look at: how very much I relied on him, too. And how easily he seems to be fitting into my life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Jessica
“BUT, JESSICA, Idon’t understand.”
“What don’t you get, Mom?” I’m sitting in my hotel room in Seattle on Saturday morning, my cell phone set on speaker. My sister sits across from me on the bed, giving me an encouraging look. She insisted that I needed to tell Mom what’s going on in New Orleans, and I know she’s right. I can’t keep Zack’s child and baby a secret from my family forever.
“How could Zack have been a sperm donor? Wasn’t he thinking about the future?”
“No, Mom, he wasn’t. He was nineteen years old. All he was thinking was that his father’s business was in trouble and he wanted to pay his own way through college, which is completely commendable.”
“But you said you knew this when you married him. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you’d be upset, and I wanted to marry him anyway.”
