“I don’t think she’s making that distinction now,” he says.
No. I don’t think she is, either.
“She knows I’m her father,” Zack says. “The question is, what kind of father am I going to be?”
I close my eyes for a moment, draw a deep breath, and ask the question that feels like an elephant kneeling on my chest. “I need to know your intentions.”
“I don’t want to take Lily or the baby away from you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Lily obviously adores you, and I think you’re doing a great job.”
I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until I exhale. My hands have been clenched so tightly my fingers throb. “Are you going to try to get joint custody or visitation? Because I have to tell you, I hated splitting my time between my parents when they divorced.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not looking to complicate your lives. I just want Lily to know that I’m there for her. And I want to be there for your new baby, too. I want to keep this easy and flexible. I want to be a positive in your lives, not a negative.”
It’s better than anything I could have hoped for, short of himgoing away until Lily is eighteen. And as Sarah pointed out, that might not be best for Lily or the baby, anyway. “Your wife agrees to this?”
“She will, once she gets used to the idea.”
This is the second time he’s used that phrase—which means she isn’t okay with it at all. She sure didn’t look okay when she learned I was pregnant. “Look—I don’t want Lily or the baby exposed to a reluctant stepmother. I lived through that scenario, and it was miserable. It’s awful for a child to feel like an unwanted third wheel.”
“I won’t let that happen. Jessica loves children. She’ll come around.”
“But what if she can’t?”
“Then I’ll see them without her.”
It’s the answer I wanted to hear, but I don’t know if it’s a feasible plan for the long haul. I draw a deep breath. “Maybe you, Jessica, and I can do something together with Lily next weekend and see how it goes.”
“I’d like that,” he says. “But Jessica’s back in Seattle, and she’s likely to stay there through the weekend.”
“Oh. Well, then, maybe the weekend after?”
“Sure, if she’s in town. Absolutely.”
It seems weird to me that he doesn’t know for sure whether or not his wife will be back in two weeks, but I nod.
Silence stretches between us. “I’m starving,” he says at length. “Do you want to get something to eat? Maybe we can pick up Lily and take her with us.”
“Lily’s eating with Sarah and her kids.”
“Well, what about you? Do you have any plans for dinner?”
“No, but...” I don’t know how to finish that sentence.No, but you’re married?He isn’t asking me on a date, for heaven’s sake. We still have a lot of things to iron out about Lily and the baby.
Communication is the foundation of every type of relationship.I’d just read that in the reparenting book; there’s a whole chapter onthe subject. The better I know Zack, the easier it’ll be to work things out between us.
“No, I don’t have plans,” I say.
“Well then, let me buy you dinner.”
“Okay,” I say. “Sure. I need to lock up here, then I’ll be ready to go.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Zack
WE DRIVE OURseparate cars to Jacques-Imo’s on Oak Street. I called ahead, and it’s early enough that they can seat us. I park behind Quinn’s Equinox around the corner.
“This is one of my favorite restaurants,” Quinn says as we step into the dim bar. The walls and ceiling are completely covered with framed paintings. “I love the decor.”
