I knew I was likely to get a negative reaction from her—that’s just Mother’s way. All the same, I find myself swallowing my disappointment as I explain it to her.
“Good Lord, Quinn!” I hear a brief splash. She’s probably refilling her glass. “Please tell me Margaret is going to take Lily back.”
My whole body stiffens. “Lily isn’t a piece of merchandise I want to return.”Unlike how you felt about me, I think hotly. “Lily is a child Ilove.”
“Oh, don’t go getting all high horsey on me. I’m just asking if Margaret will get well enough to raise her.”
“Margaret’s slowly making progress, but I’m going to be Lily’s permanent guardian.”
“And you’ll have a baby to take care of, too? Oh, Quinn!” Her tone is full of melodrama and disapproval.
I’ve heard that soul-crushingOh, Quinn!my whole life—when I got my clothes dirty playing outside; when I didn’t get a part in the junior high play (which I’d only tried out for to please her); and—in what is probably the most telling incident—when I refused to dye my hair red at age fifteen to help Mom look “like a natural redhead.”
She has a way of saying my name that proclaims my complete failure as a human being.Oh, Quinn!used to make me cry myself to sleep, because more than anything, I wanted my mother’s approval. It wasn’t until I was grown that I realized I was never going to get it.
Judging from the way my stomach tightens now, I’m still not immune to longing for it.
“I’m very excited and happy,” I tell Mom now. “And Lily’s thrilled to have a new little brother or sister on the way.”
“Of course she is. She’s three. She’d be equally excited about a puppy.”
Wow. Mom may have hit a new low. “Well, I know you’re busy, so I won’t keep you. I just thought you’d want to know you’re going to be a grandmother.”
“Oh, Lordy! I’m way too young for that.”
Trust Mom to make this all about herself. I hear a jingle and a clink. I can picture her bracelets hitting her drink glass as she raises it to her lips. “Quinn, you’ll be so tied down! And it’ll be next to impossible to find a man who’ll want to take on two kids.”
“I’m not looking for a man. I plan to be a single mother.”
“Yes, but you didn’t know you’d be raising Lily, too. How far along are you?”
“It’s early days. But I heard the heartbeat, Mom. It’s recorded, and it’s amazing.”
She sighs. “I suppose it’s too late to change your mind.”
My muscles knot. “That’s not something I’d ever consider.”
“No need to get all snippy. I’m just interested in your welfare.”
Is that why you haven’t asked how I’m doing?“I’m feeling fine, thanks,” I say.
She totally misses the sarcasm. “Well, that’s good. I was constantly nauseated with you.”
“I’m having a little morning sickness, but it goes away if I eat something.”
“I’m glad it’s manageable. Just be careful not to gain too much weight. You had that little chubby spell in junior high, remember?”
I sigh. Some things never change.
—
THE CONVERSATION WITHmy mother casts a pall over my mood. I take Lily and Alicia to a playground, then drop Alicia at her homefor lunch. Lily and I eat chicken sandwiches, play Candyland, and take naps. Around three, I take Lily to Sarah’s house and head to my shop.
I’m worried about the meeting with Zack. Now that Lily knows he’s her father, I’m sure he’s going to want to be more involved in her life. The fact that he sent a minion to the attorney’s office to get a copy of Brooke’s will doesn’t bode well, either. And then there’s the baby to consider; whatever level of interaction he has with Lily will no doubt be what he expects with the baby.
—
THE WORRY MUSTshow on my face, because Terri looks at me with concern. “Are you feeling okay? Do you need to lie down or eat something?’
