The fact was that he did not trust her to be sensible.
The very disruption of his usual serenity should have been proof that they were better apart, but Joshua could not dismisshis attraction to her. It was folly. Her presence led him astray and compelled him to forget his habits, but he could not regret a moment in her company.
Even knowing all of this, he felt cheated by his own decision to not pause at Bramble Cottage this day, thereby denying himself even a moment of her company. He felt disgruntled, all for the lack of a certain lady’s smile.
He stared across the garden, hands shoved in his pockets, and considered that he felt alive for the first time in a decade. Helena made him smile. Her companionship gave him joy. In her presence, he felt the promise of the future and the wonder of every small delight. And in his heart, he could not truly believe that such an association could be ill-fated or wrong.
How unlike him to be conflicted!
Joshua shook his head, guessing that it was Miss Emerson’s habit to disrupt the equilibrium of clear-thinking men.
He found himself unable to keep from imagining her in residence at Addersley Manor. The house felt appallingly empty to him in his solitude and devoid of charm.
He marched through it, seeking some element that would give him pleasure or at least offer a distraction. Instead, he recalled Miss Emerson’s favorable comments about this detail or that, and the sight of her in each room.
How had Miss Helena Emerson so securely captured his heart?
It was true. Joshua loved her.
He had loved her from that first glimpse.
It was an astonishing realization. He knew he admired her, of course, and that he found her alluring. But it was more than that. He was enchanted by her lively spirit, her penchant for laughter, even her audacity. She might vex him with her insistence upon following impulse, but in another way, he admired her boldness.
Joshua liked how he felt in her presence.
There was the peril of her. If they were reckless together, dire consequences could result. He could not countenance as much.
He must forget her.
He did not wish to do as much, but it was the only sensible choice.
How curious that for the first time in his life, he had no desire to be sensible!
Joshua was scowling at the interminably long table in the dining room when he realized that something was missing. There should be another pair of sterling candlesticks on the table. He searched the rest of the room but found no sign of them.
He recalled then that the small ormolu clock had also been missing.
In no mood to tolerate thefts in his household, Joshua rang for Fairfax.
Fairfax was clearly shocked that the candlesticks were gone. He was similarly bewildered that the ormolu clock was missing and could not fathom how he had overlooked its loss. “I am shocked, my lord. There has never been any such trouble in this house, and none of the servants are newly arrived.”
“Perhaps someone has a new need for funds,” Joshua suggested.
Fairfax cleared his throat and looked more prim than usual. “Perhaps it was someone from outside the house, sir.”
“But who could have entered the house without detection?”
Fairfax dropped his gaze. “You did have guests, sir, and guests most interested in the décor of your home.”
Lady Dalhousie and Miss Emerson? Joshua’s astonishment was so complete that it must have shown, for the butler shook his head.
“Older ladies, I regret to inform you, sir, can be…acquisitive when their tastes exceed their means, particularly if they wereaccustomed to luxuries in the past.” He cleared his throat again. “And if I may be so bold as to speak plainly, sir?”
Joshua considered his butler. “Please do, Fairfax. You know that I rely upon your insights.”
The older man beamed. “I would say, sir, that my estimation of the young lady was much diminished by her decision to refuse you.”
Joshua was touched by his butler’s loyalty. “Apparently, she cannot bear the prospect of wedding a man who does not dance, Fairfax.”
