Nicholas nodded. “He is my friend and he was my commander. There was nothing else to be done.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “But when I awaken from that dream, a part of me wishes that I had not survived that carnage, for then I would not be haunted by its memory.” He tilted his head and smiled just a little but his expression was not merry. “Perhaps that is a second secret for you, Mrs. North, that such service can adversely affect a man’s desire to live.”
“Is that why you choose not to wed, or is it a broken heart?”
“Does it matter?”
“Can you not wish for a wife and family?”
Nicholas shook his head with resolve. “Some paths are no longer possible to take, Mrs. North. I will be content with Haynesdale’s friendship and success with my horses.”
“But will you be content?” she asked quietly. “Or will you yearn for more?”
“It is folly to yearn for what one cannot possess,” he said solemnly. “I shall have to learn to be content.”
So, it seemed, would Eliza.
He straightened then, seemingly shaking off his mood. “If I am not mistaken, this is Colsterworth,” he said, his tone light. “Perhaps we will learn more of Helena here.”
Eliza could only hope as much.
Perhaps the telling of his tale had been an omen. It seemed that all trace of his sister vanished after Colsterworth. There was some suggestion of a young woman of her description pausing at the inn, then no reports of her departure. There was not a whisper of her presence at Grantham and much discussion ensued. Even Nicholas had to admit that there was no point in pushing on to Doncaster when there was no news of his sister.
Had she and Melbourne left the coach for an inn? Had they left the Great North Road and taken a room in some smaller village, away from the road and possible detection?
They charged onward to Haynesdale in darkness and despair welled within Nicholas.
He had failed his sister.
Even at night, he recognized the shape of the land as they entered the duchy of Haynesdale. Each curve in the road, each ancient tree, each cottage and hill was painfully familiar. He had never thought to return here but now, thanks to Haynesdale’s generosity, he would live on this property that had claimed a corner of his heart. They passed Southpoint in haste, but not so quickly that he failed to see all the windows dark. The house looked empty, lonely even, and he suddenly recalled his step-mother’s conviction that a light should always shine into the darkness to welcome a lonely traveler.
He would do that, when he moved into the house. It would not be his own, but he would treasure the opportunity to reside there again.
“Damien said he had offered it to you,” Eliza said softly when Southpoint was behind him. “And that you refused it.”
“I did. Your father bought it. It is now Haynesdale’s.” Nicholas knew he sounded curt, but he did not wish to discuss the matter with her.
“And you saved his life by his accounting. It is only reasonable that he would perceive there to be a debt between you, one he would prefer to resolve.”
“It is not about a debt, Mrs. North,” Nicholas said. “Your brother owes me nothing, not even his friendship, though I am honored to have that.”
“You would not have your valor rewarded?”
“I was not valiant. Any man would have done the same.”
“But you did save him, and you were made Captain as a result. Clearly, others believed you had acted nobly on the field.”
“It does not matter, not now,” Nicholas said, then forced himself to take a more cheerful expression. “You should know that he has rented Southpoint to me, for a ridiculous price, and I was sufficiently grateful to accept.”
“Truly?” She was clearly pleased, though he could not fathom why.
He dared not guess.
“Truly. I will raise horses there. Sterling already has been put to stud, but I would have more control over the lineage.” He took a breath. “It has been a hope of mine, and Haynesdale helped me to find a way to pursue it.”
“But not by returning Southpoint to you?”
“No, by encouraging me to gamble at Brooks’s.”
She was visibly displeased. “I thought you had no intention of following your father upon that course.”
