“Why?”
She pretended to consider this. “Because I fear this morning’s events, Captain Emerson, and I would have truth between us, for once and for all.”
He stood abruptly, his gaze dark. “Why?”
“Because some secrets should not be kept forever. I understand your reticence, so I will go first and surrender my secret to you.”
“I am listening, Mrs. North.”
“All the same, I must whisper it, lest another overhear it.” She pursued him around the horse, thinking he might contrive a way to evade her, but Nicholas stood watching her, an intriguing light in his eyes.
“You are bold in the shadows, Mrs. North,” he murmured and she wondered whether she was the only one thinking of that kiss in the carriage.
“Indeed, I am,” she agreed, a little breathless, then laid a hand upon his arm. Nicholas did not move away, so she let her hand slide from his elbow to his wrist, his skin warm beneath her fingertips. He might have been struck to stone, but he did not evade her touch, and when she looked up, she saw that his eyes had darkened to indigo.
She watched him swallow and leaned ever closer, stretching up to whisper in his ear. “My secret, Captain Emerson, is that I did not wed for love.” He drew back slightly, looking down at her in confusion, his expression so intense that she did not even wish to blink. “I never loved my husband, not like that. I was fond of Frederick, to be sure, but ours was not a match of the heart.”
Nicholas blinked, visibly shocked. “But you said…”
“I did. I lied,” she confessed. “I lied to my father that he would allow the match.”
“You lied?”
He was so incredulous that she could only smile and nod.
Nicholas shook his head. “But why?”
“Because my heart was broken.” Eliza took a breath, fearful of his reaction but knowing she had to continue. “The man I loved with all my heart did not hold me in similar affection. I chose to wed Frederick, who professed to admire me, in the hope that I might at least have children.” She felt her tears rise and bowed her head. “But that was not to be. Frederick was not interested in fathering children. He believed he had sufficient work to do in the world without bringing more souls into it.” She lifted her head and dared to look at Nicholas. He had not moved and she could not read his expression. She swallowed. “So, now he is gone and I am alone, without either husband or children.”
“You might yet have both.”
“I might. But if I wed again, I will not compromise. It will be true love or solitude, as simple as that.” She slid her hand up Nicholas’ arm, certain he had understood her implication, but he turned abruptly back to the horse.
“I can only wish you luck, Mrs. North,” he said crisply.
Vexing man! Despite her hopes, Nicholas clearly still did not hold her in affection.
And what infernal advice from Mrs. Oliver. The confession of a secret had been of no merit in her campaign at all. Why would he not simply seduce her and give her that satisfaction at least?
In annoyance, Eliza took a step closer. “I thank you for that, Captain Emerson. I would give you a kiss for luck this morning before I leave you to your task.”
He glanced up then, his interest abundantly clear. Perhaps he only desired her. Perhaps that could be sufficient.
Eliza gave him no opportunity to speak but backed him into the wall and boldly reached up to touch her lips to his. Nicholas stood utterly still for a moment, then she heard the brush land upon the floor and his arms were locked around her. He lifted her to her toes and turned to crush her against the wall as his mouth claimed hers in a triumphant and potent kiss, one that thrilled her to her very marrow.
Perhaps he would give her the satisfaction of his touch, after all.
Eliza would not protest in the least.
Of course, only Eliza could awaken both hope and despair within Nicholas in the same moment. The woman made an art of tempting him with what he knew he would never possess. Her confession that she had not loved her husband, but another man instead, had filled him with hope that he might be the fortunate one. He had a moment to wonder whether his newfound fortune and his luck of the night so far might extend into his future to make all come aright.
But Eliza’s confession of her desire for children shattered his hope before it had fully taken shape.
He would father no children and Nicholas knew it well.
He could not, then, court Eliza at all. It mattered little whether his situation might change and his future might be improved. He still would be aiming high but the greater import was his inability to give her what she desired most. There would be no children, and he would not be witness to her disappointment.
Indeed, he would not be the cause of her disappointment.
