She fell silent for a long moment, then finally cleared her throat to continue. “The lord, of course, was enraged by the defiance of this infant and also that of his lady wife. To his thinking, all in his household should have done their utmost to ensure his satisfaction, so he felt that both child and wife had betrayed him. The overlord, though, had sent an armed guard to watch over the lady while she nursed the babe. The lord took out his vengeance upon his villeins, and the land soon abounded with his bastards and hisbruises.
“None of those sons were good enough, though, for none bore the stamp oflegitimacy.”
Annelise flicked a glance at Rolfe, and he did not look away from the pain in her eyes. He could not imagine that this sweet lady had endured a childhood with such a father and not turned out to be much like him. His admiration for her redoubled and he did not hide his feelings from her. She stared into his eyes for a long moment, then swallowed and frowned into the flames oncemore.
“The armed guard, of course, could not remain forever. When the daughter was weaned at two years of age, the soldiers left.” Her brows arched and her voice broke slightly, though she did not look up. She traced a pattern on the floor with her fingertips. “They left the lady and her child alone in that keep with a lord who was good at saving hisanger.”
Annelise flicked a glance around the barren tower as if recalling her urge to escape. Rolfe saw tears gleam on her lashes. “They say a small child cannot recall events.” Her gaze locked with Rolfe’s. “They are wrong,” she said bitterly. “I recall every moment of that night. It is carved upon my memory so clearly that it might have occurred just hoursago.”
She spoke more quickly, and Rolfe hoped that sharing the tale would lessen its power. “I remember the fear on my mother’s face when he knocked. I remember the sweet cajoling of his voice as he lied, to convince her to unlock the door. I recall every heartbeat of the time that it took her to cross the chamber, then to lift the latch. Even then, I sensed her doubt.” Annelise shook her head. “But I suppose she did not feel she had the right to refuse her rightful husband entry to his own solar. And perhaps she believed he would not harm her in front ofme.”
She fellsilent.
“Your mother was wrong,” Rolfe guessedgently.
Annelise nodded. “She was wrong.” She looked smaller and more vulnerable, a mere shadow of the bold wife he knew so well, and Rolfe moved to her side. No wonder she had wanted to marry a man whose love she could rely upon! He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and drew her close, then captured her hand in his. She was cold and he felt her tremble at hermemory.
“I can see him still as he leaped through that doorway, as drunken and disheveled as ever he was,” she confessed, her voice thick with unshed tears. “I can see him lock the portal behind himself, sealing us into the chamber with him. I can see my mother retreating and hear his bellow that she had shirked her obligation to grant him a son.” She shook her head and Rolfe saw tearsfall.
“And then he began to beat her,” she whispered. “It was horrifying to watch, for he derived pleasure from making the pain last. My mother bled, she wept, she cried, she begged, but nothing could turn him from his path. His eyes glowed, I swear to you he laughed. His curses continued until my mother fell to the floor. When she did not move again, he kicked her, but she was utterlystill.”
Tears streamed down Annelise’s cheeks, and Rolfe held her tightly. He sensed that she needed to purge herself of this tale, and he was honored to be the one entrusted with it. He would not risk interrupting her, though his heart ached for what she hadwitnessed.
And she had seen this a child. It was beyondwicked.
“The solar was silent. The blood seeped from her limp body. I do not know whether she was dead or whether she lingered in a haze of pain.” She shook her head, burrowing her face against his chest. “It was odd then, the change I saw in him. He whispered her name, but she made no sound. He bent over her, touched her throat, straightened. The anger melted from his face, leaving a much smaller man. He looked suddenly like the child I was, lost and certainly confused. Then fear flickered across his face, fear that he would be caught at what he had unwittinglydone.
“He glanced around the solar, and I remember well the cold dread that clutched my heart when he saw me standing in mycradle.”
Annelise’s hands grasped fistfuls of her kirtle. Rolfe wished there might have been something he could do to reassure her, yet knew the best salve was to let her talk, and to hold her fast against hisside.
“His eyes blazed with anger again and I knew he would kill me, too. Even at that age, I understood that I had seen something I should not, and I feared the consequences. I flinched, I tried to hide in my cradle as I heard him start across the room. I even tried to climb out of the small bed to savemyself.
If he had touched Annelise, Rolfe knew he would hunt down her father and force a reckoning fromhim.
“Then there was a knock at the door.” Annelise caught her breath. “He halted and we both stared at the wooden panel. The châtelain had brought the warmed goat’s milk my mother had begun to give me at night in lieu of her own milk. ‘For the heiress,’ the châtelain said from the corridor outside, and the bloodlust faded from my father’seyes.”
Annelise exhaled shakily. When she continued, her voice was flat and matter-of-fact. “He had no heir without me and the châtelain had reminded him in the nick of time. I knew then that he would not kill me, but it was only much later that I understoodwhy.”
She fell silent and Rolfe felt hertrembling.
“Did he beat you?” Rolfe asked, fighting to keep his own anger from histone.
Annelise shook her head. “Never. I was always afraid that he would. Although truly, I wonder now whether he feared that I might tell my tale out of spite if he beat me.” She shrugged. “It ended up that he had not thechance.”
“Surely your mother’s death wasdiscovered?”
“But it was explained with a lie. My mother apparently had an accident when riding alone with my father early the next morn. I expect he carried her out of the solar and flung her from her horse’s saddle in the forest, then lied to all andsundry.”
“They must have guessed. Or someone must haveseen.”
“All feared Jerome de Sayerne and, rightly so, if he would kill his own wife.” Annelise took a deep breath. “The overlord, when he heard—and I do not know exactly how much he heard, for even my father could not have silenced all of his servants’ gossip—arrived with great haste at our gates. Tulley insisted to my father that a daughter had need of feminine influence in her upbringing. I was consigned to a convent within the week and spent my childhood in the nuns’ finecare.”
The stress Annelise laid on the word fine told Rolfe her true opinion of the convent life. Still, he was grateful to Tulley and to the sisters of the convent. Their custody had ensured that his lady had not been beaten. He wondered how much of a donation this overlord Tulley had made to the convent, and whether he would desire something of Annelise inreturn.
Rolfe was astonished that such an experience should have left so few scars upon Annelise. She had trusted him and only now he saw how difficult that must have been for her, and what a measure of the strength of her nature. It seemed that survival of hardship had only forged Annelise into yet a stronger woman than she might have been otherwise. She had a rare determination to savor life, which he could onlyadmire.
A weaker soul might have become bitter orconniving.
