“Perhaps so, but when the call came, Alasdair believed it offered him a chance to repent.He wished to journey east on crusade as an act of pilgrimage and to beg forgiveness at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.”Calum nodded.“Because he was my best friend and because I feared the result if he made such a journey alone, I agreed to go with him.”
“And your wife, Eileen?”
“Oh, she thought little of the notion, to be sure.But she desired a second son, if not a third, and after Fergus was born, she had not conceived again.”He winked.“It was not for a lack of effort on our part.”
Leila smiled.
“So, I found merit in the notion of pilgrimage and penitence, and so, we went together.”Calum sighed.“It was the spring of 1165.Fergus was three summers of age.I remember looking back to see Eileen on the top of the tower, holding him in her arms.The sun was in her hair, blazing copper it was, and he was waving with all his might.I know Eileen wept and truly, I shed a tear of my own.I had not thought until that moment that I might not see them again, and I very nearly turned back.”
He fell silent then, lost in his memories, and Leila realized how dearly he had loved his lady wife.She let him remember for a few moments, content to sip her wine and watch the flames as he did, to listen to the sound of the rain and hope that she and Fergus might one day share a similar love.
“But you did not turn back,” Leila prompted finally, gently drawing her companion back to his tale.
Calum cleared his throat and shook his head.“I had no real notion of how far it was to Outremer, much less how difficult a journey it would be.It took us almost a year to reach Constantinople.We finally found passage there to Caesarea, but that was where we parted.”
He fell silent, staring into the fire, and Leila urged him again to continue.“But why?What happened?”
“I fell ill with a fever.I remember little of it, beyond convincing Alasdair to continue without me.I was tended there by the Hospitalier knights, though I have no memory of those months.When I came to myself again, I was so weakened that I had to learn to walk again.There were many who aided me in their kindness, not all of them Franj or Christian.I learned more than how to walk.”He granted her an intent look and Leila nodded that she understood his meaning.“And yet, in all the time it took me to heal, Alasdair did not return.I asked those pilgrims and knights going to the Holy City to look for him, but none brought me word of him.He sent no message.When I was able, I went to Jerusalem myself, but it was as if Alasdair had never existed.Perhaps he had never arrived.Perhaps he had been attacked by bandits on the road, or had fallen ill himself.I hoped that he had the opportunity to make his penitence.A year after my arrival, there was a ship returning to Constantinople.At the urging of a countryman I had met, I took passage upon it, dreading even as I did so that I had left my comrade and friend behind.”Calum frowned and fell silent once more.
“But you spoke of him earlier as if he yet lived.”
“He does!”the older man said.“He does indeed, but when I think of those days and that choice, I believe that I failed him as a friend.”
“Does he believe as much?”
“Nay, but let me continue.It was a long journey home and in my weakened state, I might not have survived without the aid of that countryman.His name was Murdoch Olafson.”
“The warrior in your hall?”
“The very one, but more of that later.I returned here to Killairic, almost six years after my departure, only to learn that many believed me to be dead.Eileen was to be compelled to wed another by my brother.Only her stubborn nature and a measure of luck had ensured that she remained in command of Killairic with Fergus.My return was welcomed with much joy.”
“Even by your brother?”
Calum chuckled.“I think he was glad to see his dispute with Eileen ended.It was Gille Brigte who wished to ensure the defense of Killairic, and truly, if it had been more important, Eileen’s resolve would not have made the difference.My brother ensured that the holding was safe, but Gille Brigte wished for a greater guarantee.With my return, he had it and all was well.”
“Did you have more sons?”
Calum shook his head.“Naught changed in that matter, at least not for the better.They told me in Caesaria that the fever would affect my ability to father children, and indeed, they were visibly relieved to learn that I already had one son.I did not believe their prognosis, but as the years passed, it became clear that they were right.”He shrugged.“Saracen medical knowledge.”
Leila was touched by his sadness.“Your wife must have been disappointed.”
Calum nodded slowly.“It was the one argument we had, and we only had it once.She did not blame me for choosing to journey to the east, but she was bitter about the results.She called it my Saracen fever, and believed the Saracens had cheated her of more sons.”He smiled a little.“If she could have seen past your faith, though, I think she would have liked you.”
“That might have been a considerable challenge.”
“But one that would have been good for her.”Calum pursed his lips.“It is too easy to hate those we have never encountered, to see the differences between us instead of the similarities.Why do we shed so much blood in Outremer?Because we all believe Jerusalem to be a holy city.We all could worship there, but instead of tolerating each other’s needs, we fight for suzerainty over a place that should be above such battles.I witnessed such kindness there, at the same time as there was ruthless slaughter.”
“My uncle says our best and worst are both revealed there.”
“And he is right in this, to be sure.”Calum lifted a finger.“But to continue with the tale, Murdoch went home from here only to discover that his father and brother had been killed in battle, and that he had no home any longer.He has lived here ever since, and at my invitation.”
“Duncan said he was a good warrior and loyal.”
“He is, and his presence makes me miss Duncan a little less.”Calum smiled.“Fergus was twelve summers of age when we had another guest at the gates.It was none other than my comrade, Alasdair, finally returned from Outremer.He was welcomed, of course, though I saw a new sadness in him.”
“What had happened to him?”
“He had gone to Jerusalem, and he had prayed in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.He prayed there daily for many months, both for his own forgiveness and for my recovery.So it was that he came to know several of the Knights Templar who lived there.He came to trust them and to admire them.When he sent word to Caesaria and was told that I was no longer there, he pledged himself to the Templar cause instead of returning home alone.He was an excellent swordsman and a valiant fighter, but more importantly, he was a man who could find a solution in any muddle.I have no doubt that they were glad of his skills in those times.He eventually helped to administer justice in the towns left by King Godfroi to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.”
