1
Dumfries, Scotland
Leila regretted that impulsive kiss.
She should never have touched Fergus.She should never have kissed him.She should never have indulged her secret yearning.Now, her desire for him burned like a flame.It was distracting.It was inappropriate.And worse, that one kiss had changed the way Fergus looked at her, forevermore.
She had sacrificed his friendship for a single kiss, and while she could not regret the wondrous taste of pleasure itself, she did mourn the loss of his companionship.He had left her that night and avoided her ever since.He no longer spoke directly to her and did not even meet her gaze.
Fergus was clearly disgusted with her.Did he think she had behaved like a whore?
Leila realized quickly that the kiss that she had desired beyond all else had come at a very high price.
She was lonely as a result of his lost companionship.Hamish, Fergus’ squire, had not even been able to look her in the eye since the revelation at Haynesdale that she was not a boy.The two Templars who had accompanied them from Châmont-sur-Maine and thence from Haynesdale had seldom addressed her when they believed her to be a squire.They regarded her with something akin to horror now that they knew the truth.She was an infidel to them in more ways than one.Leila could not help but think that their brethren in Palestine would not have been quite so distant.Gaston had always spoken to her, for example, as had Fergus until that kiss.
The Templars’ squires contented themselves with whispering to each other like young girls, and Leila did not deign to give them even a glance.The warrior Duncan was the only person who had talked to her since leaving Haynesdale the morning after that fateful kiss.Mostly she spoke to him of his beloved Radegunde.He wanted to know every detail of what Leila had observed of Radegunde while at Châmont-sur-Maine, and recognizing that his curiosity was born of affection, she indulged him.Repeatedly.
Duncan was not the only one to miss Radegunde and her merry nature.Leila missed her friend as well as the company of women, even those far above her station.She rode out from Haynesdale in a company entirely male, except for herself.She chose not to disguise herself as a boy again, for she did not want to enter Fergus’ home under a pretense.At the same time, she knew that she would be assumed to be a whore.
Some notions had no borders.
What was she to do?Her plan had been to escape the marriage arranged for her by her uncle, and little more than that.The party of knights leaving Jerusalem had offered the perfect cover, especially when she was given the role of Fergus’ third squire.But now the quest reached its completion.All of the knights were home, save Fergus, and his home was just ahead.
She could have remained at Châmont-sur-Maine or even Haynesdale, but she could not bear the possibility of parting forever from Fergus.She had not lied to Fergus before that kiss—in fact, she had not told him the fullness of the truth.Leila knew she loved Fergus and that he was the sole man she wished to wed.She had no expectation that her love would be returned, but could not abandon his company that readily.
What would she do once she arrived at Killairic?She was curious to see his home, of course, and would like to meet those he held in affection.She even wanted a glimpse of Isobel, but what then?
Her hope that she might make a future there, perhaps even with Fergus himself, was a foolish dream.He adored Isobel.She would love no other than him.Yet in this land, she could not disappear into the crowd.Each day that they rode north, Leila was more obviously a foreigner and the curious stares were more open.Yet she was resolved not to return to the east.
Would she be compelled to become a whore?Without a man to defend her, Leila could see no other choices.Plus she was resolved to wed only for love, since her departure had been a protest against an arranged match.It made no sense to come so far and compromise her hopes for her future.
Was there any chance she might win Fergus’ heart?Leila could not be certain until Fergus and Isobel exchanged their vows.She would decide what to do when that marriage was celebrated, and not before.
When they departed Haynesdale, Leila refused to delay the party and declined any concessions the men would have made to her gender.She rode long and hard, just as they did, and slept on the ground, just as they did, and washed quickly in cold rivers, just as they did.In a way, she admired Fergus’ haste to reach home and his beloved.
She knew she would come to love Scotland as much as her birthplace.The winter had been longer and colder than any season Leila had ever endured but that made the arrival of spring seem even sweeter.She took note of the greenery crowning the hills, the activity of birds, the appearance of flowers by the road.The air warmed each afternoon, smelling rich with new growth and possibility, though it was still chilly in the morning and evening.The land was fertile and lush, the wind was crisp, and the streams were clear.
The land was a veritable paradise.
Leila knew she was not the only one who was relieved when Fergus chose to halt at Lincluden Abbey on what was to be their last night before reaching Killairic.The monks and nuns welcomed them kindly, although with many glances at Leila.The Templars, Enguerrand and Yvan, were visibly gladdened by the choice, though Duncan was less impressed with their accommodations.He grumbled that he had enough of monks but Fergus only smiled at him.Leila welcomed the opportunity to both bathe and sleep on a straw pallet.She feigned incomprehension when she was asked a few questions and was glad of the imposition of the establishment’s vows of silence.
She awakened to a sunny day, filled with anticipation to see Fergus’ home.
They rode through Dumfries early in the morning, when the fishermen were selling their wares, and the bustle of commerce was keenly familiar.Leila could have spent a day there easily, examining the wares, but Fergus was intent upon reaching Killairic by noon.It was not long before they took a road leading to the west.The land grew even more beautiful, though Leila would not have believed it possible.The wind was crisp and smelled of the salt of the sea, and the sun was warm on their shoulders.The company rode in veritable silence, but she felt the anticipation of both Fergus and Duncan.
When they crested a rise, Leila caught her breath at the hilly expanse of land spread before her with the sea sparkling beyond it.The forest was so richly green that she thought her eyes deceived her.The water, beginning at the base of the hill and stretching into the distance, shone silver in the morning light.Mist was gathered near the water and obscured the view to the left and in the distance.The wind lifted her hair, though, and she imagined the mist would soon disperse.
Perched on a hill several miles ahead of them was a keep ringed with walls.The square tower was built of stone, though it was much smaller than those she had seen further south.The tower was surrounded by a fence of timber with a moat, and there was a village nestled within the walls.A pennant waved from the high tower of the keep, though Leila could not discern its insignia at this distance.
She saw a profusion of white within the walls on the south side, moving in the breeze, and reasoned that there was an orchard in bloom sheltered there.Smoke rose in the morning air from fires both inside the walls and in the village.Two men worked furrows into a field to the far right, pushing a plow, birds swooping around them as they worked.A stream sparkled as it ran past the keep, some of it diverted to fill the moat, then continued to the left.Upstream of the keep there was a mill and a millpond, too.Part of the millpond looked to be divided from the rest with nets and she wondered what manner of fish they raised.
What a prosperous and peaceful holding!
“Home,” Fergus said beside her, his satisfaction clear.Leila glanced toward him quickly, her heart thumping that he spoke to her again.She seized the chance to admire his rugged good looks.His hair was auburn and curled on his collar.His eyes were an enticing green, and he was both tall and broad-shouldered.He had changed his garb when they left Haynesdale, packing his mail away and dressing instead as Duncan had for months.A length of plaid was wrapped around his waist, its hues echoing that of the wild land around her.He wore a white chemise, open at the throat, a boiled leather jerkin and dark boots.His cloak was wool, like her own, but lined with fur.He looked vital and masculine, so alluring that her lips burned in memory of that kiss.
He had come to ride beside her, which was a welcome change, but still avoided her gaze.Leila would take all improvements, however small.She blamed her own impetuous kiss for the change and was greedy for more of him than even this.
“Beautiful,” she said, ensuring that her admiration showed.
